To the Dearest of Infinity

Oh Ho HO! Rum to go round and brush you all with hoes.

hehe

Where AM I? Physically....Lakeside, Arizona.
Who Am I? Blah BlaH


alrighty so... ive been hanging back here in pinetop for the past couple weeks i returned to the states on oct 12, 2006. phoenix oct 13, 2006.

i was kicked out of osho circle school on about oct 10th. thank you osho circle school. :) Smiles and Love all around.



Aboda Aboda I Love you Aboda!


One of the Funnest days i had in Italy, Completely Naked Running Around.. away from all eyes and all knowledge of Osho Circle School. (pool Area)

I returned to England after a stop in France where i Did what?
Missions in Paris:

Find and consume the worlds Best Chocolate Eclair, Crossaint.

Snuggle with the Eiffel Tower.

Find Bottle of Absinthe to snuggle muggle into the US OF A.

Note: For intent of Entertainment A bottle of Absinthe only paraded itself into this country, any actual entry is unlawful, and little bottles of abstinthe stay in their proper places of residence when with lawful owners. the owner\writer of this blog has no knoweledge of any person(s) that have commited the following unlawful activities:
Smuggled abstinthe into the USA
Smuggled Cuban Cigar(s) into the USA
Smuggled Prostitutes into the USA

further more i wish to thank Transatlantic Intl. for frying me one solid pound of BEEFCAKE.
The Globe Shakespeare, London




Big Ben, Parliment, and one cool peaced out hippie, who lives on the street.

Show you some difference between America and Europe. Note: Surgeon Generals Warning:...blah blah blah


Bye Bye Island!

Hello America! AMERICA FUCK YEAH!

upon rentry into the states i took my time and went to staton island on the ferry at night. then i went back to manhatten on the next ferry. therefore i passed the statute of liberty twice!

i was feeling a little tired...so the other activites and sight are not of invested energy to mention. i went back to the airport.

i slept...a bit
woke up alot....to a bit.
smiled a bit
wrote a poem...not a bit.

okay so i didnt do a bit
then i flew to phoenix and was picked up by some good friends who were like wow dude way to fly.okay skip a bit..

Eden Hot Springs: Location 33rd Parallel, Arizona

just returned from a 5 day retreatt...not recharge down in southern az. a place called eden hot springs. in the desert, on the reservation. empty silent and full of love and power. with a 100+ people all fasting on raw liquids for 5 days. this was a raw food recharge with the best food (healthy, organic, nutritious..completly tasty and uncooked (you kill about 90% of the good stuff when you cook food)

it was a pretty damn sweet deal
what did we do?
swim in the hot spring pools (where the rolling stones once swam and owned)
firewalked
Sweatlodged on native american land.
nature walked
nature talked
naked naked naked
halloween dance party



talked about the latest and greatest of health food and the base of what the "philosophers stone" sound interesting? talk to me personally. some really cool stuff going on. example. who knows that if you combine 2 part hyrdogen and one part oxygen together in a labratory, you receive a liquid but its not water! H2O ISNT NOT WATER. THESE ELEMENTS ALONE DO NOT PRODUCE WATER. the liquid concieved is actually hazardous to your health. yet no one lets us know about this nifty detail which changes everything. it upsets the entire system. people dont like to be up-set with new ideas, especially when their ideas will are proved false.

there is a missing ingredient that exists in all water. a new element, that we havent been able to see before (in the western world) because we dont know what to look for and frankly people dont want to. though it has been known before. it was forgotton, it has been rediscovered now. Ormus is the name named by david hudson. Manna is another name, so is Pranna. the egyptions called it Ormuz.

it exists everywhere. this pranna is in you right now. but we have been eating consuming producing less of it with all the crap we do to our bodies, genetically modified, nutrition deficent foods, liquids, ways of life.

so i learned alot of cool stuff, and left with a deeper experience of god and love, and truth and joy and that bag of crap....OMG did i just call god a bag of crap...NOOOOOOO! weegooo. shoe

well understand understand. pretty cool stuff is going on. that blog i wrote about being enlightened. well fuck...im still enlightened. though the exact term i havent defined yet. because some people are like well conscious, awareness, enligthenment, a buddha is all something close but differnt. like differnt levels. anywho my level of consciousness increased. if im not yet enlightened im damn close. but i am a buddha, and i am aware. and i pluged in yesterday. a friend told me colin you got it up here (energy going up and out) now you need to plug it in. PLUG IT IN (energy down) recieve mother earth in her bounty, connect with the mother. and i was like holy shit. shes right. plug it in. and then...i started breathing. breathing through my heart. LIVING IN MY HEART, no longer my mind, i learned how to do it by experiencing it. it all started with breathe. i no direct the energy my breathe gives me to my heart and less to my head. and its become so much easier when i started yesterday then in the past when i would try and my mind would struggle with it. now my mind comes down and takes its directives from the heart. their is a differnt you can live in your mind and you can live in your heart. both are always active, the mind is thinking, and the heart is feeling whether you feel it or not
any way i have some, and i know how to extract it to. subtleenergies.com

I WALKED over RED HOT BURNING COALS. wow dude say WOW COLIN yes yes yes SAY OMG
and look at cool photo

Yea So Imagine that Red FRESH and HOT HOT HOT!. actually it was mesquite wood which is among the hottest burning woods

Now you see my foot. at the step over the center of the walk i felt this on my foot. i could feel this sensation that was like burning....it was so soft. i didnt react. itwa so cool. i contuned walking, at my pace, didnt change due to this feeling. just kept walking, like i wanted to. and i walked away after, only did i feel pain pain when i put my feet in th HOT springs afterwards. yea this burned alot when i did that. but the fire...no walking on god.


Well Its all good. Still Here in Pinetop. I might be gone by the end of the month. a community named Tree of Life is looking for a computer guy, and this place seems pretty cool, i hear good things. www.treeoflife.nu check it out. I will be living here, if i like it, vibe with it. going over thanksgiving to do just this with papa.

Hope your all well Feel free to give me a call. (928)367-3191 If your out of country give me a call your even cooler. Enjoy Peace and love you silly Hippies.


Whooop Da He Is.

Who AM I? HOW DO I FIND...

Location of Da' Sex Palace? Watford, England


i want to move up, and the world just wants to pull me down.
(whether this is fact or not, this is what i see, what i feel)
what do i do?

Let go.

A friend said I AM walking a dangerous line.

She said not to disconnect from people.

She said not to seperate myself from everything.

I told her i Trust myself.

Dont we let go, in faith that, we will return.

Must i let go of people completly, in order to return TOTALLY?

is this dilusion or being?

She said I AM missing compassion.

I do not deny this, i accept this.

afterwards:

I was struck with my fear.

what am i doing?

all these new actions. all these people I AM, AM I?, hurting.

they wont tell me I AM Wrong, But i feel their(??) resistencem, i feel them. Pulling me down.

What AM i Doing?

The difference to Be and To DO.

A book i read, had a powerful statement:

"hitler went to heaven, when you understand this you will understand god."

The Way I AM Living, Being. creates no conflict with this statement.

The Way I AM Living, Being: Creates Conflict with every religion, person, soceity, morality, I have ever know, experience and felt.

Am I The conflict Or are you? Is it society which conflicts with me, or me with society?

Is it Societies Conflict, and I am Attatching to it, Accepting it?

So jesus and the great beings in our worlds knowledge held up the weight of the world.
I Want to Let go of it. I AM Letting go of it.

I know one thing: I can under stand (Stand under) the weight of myself. I Can hold up my own weight.
This is What I AM Doing. I Must Hold up myself Tottally, eternally, before I Am to hold up the weight of the world.

I must drop the mug with no worry, no concern of what may happen to it. before I Am to pick it back up.

I let Go of the Mug. The Mug broke! Remember? and when i was ready (when i was NOW) I picked it back up?

I picked up something different. It was no longer a Mug.

Did the Mug break, or did I break It? Does it matter?

My way of being. I will keep dropping the Mug. I may or may not Always pick it up again.

But eventually and NOW quicker than ever before i will drop it and catch it before it breaks --> before it falls --> i wont drop it.

But i Must drop it first.

To all those I have hurt, and to all those i will hurt. whether it be I hurt you, or you Hurt by me, matters not.

I give you one garauntee, In those moments I Am not hurting, i will be loving.

I will be loving TOTALLY.
I WILL BE HURTING TOTTALY.

It may be 90 moments of hurting and 10 moments of Loving.

But the quantity will not matter to me anymore. they will be equal in my eye.

i will be TOTAL. and i will be equal, will be Balance. and Harmony once i reach the sea.

I AM DROPPING ALL RULES, ALL REGULATIONS, ALL BOXES, LINES and PRISONS for the mind for me.

I AM UNCONDITIONAL.

AND I AM CREATING NEW RULES--NEW WAYS OF BEING every moment.

AND I WILL LIVE BY THESE, and i WILL change these...EVERY MOMENT.

I AM Letting go of everything society has shoved down my throaght, of everything i have accepted is society.

AND I AM LEARNING IT ALL AGAIN.

I will Learn what I AM, WHO I AM.

And i will start by doing WHAT I WANT! Becoming what I AM.

I have not done it totally before. and thus i never learned before. i only conditioned learning.

Now i will do it, Tottally. If it is done tottally it needs only to be done once, to realize, to experience.

If it is done tottaly, you may not even have to Drop the Mug. For i will have been TOTAL in my thought about it.

Now will change into Now New into New (er).

With our without your help. with or without me.

I will Change with it. THIS IS WHAT I WANT.

I may have to leave society, leave men, to let go of myself, to express myself unconditionally without attracting other peoples anger, dis-approval.

I want to be Naked. Once i decide I REALLY WANT THIS. i will Leave you to do it. because you are all fuckholes who prohibit me from my joys.

And I AM a fuckhole.

I dont wanto fuck you.

I dont want to let you fuck me. and because my methods are being refined. I may fuck you first.

And i will do it Totaly. and you will not understand. because you would have never fucked me tottaly.

I dont care if you are scared. I AM scared too.

I will be(accept, totality) Scared until I AM scared no more.

and I will be Scared with you OR without you. i will not change for you.

I will leave and learn by myself if i must.

But i want to learn withyou. IT IS SO MUCH EASIER TO LEARN WITH YOU.

I am done trying to learn to be with you. I am with you or i am not.

It is or it is not.

I would love to be with you totally. i will learn much faster.

Ultimatly i know what i need to do to learn. I AM.

it is not controlling MY mind, for my mind has been controlling me.

And there will be a time when i have TOTAL control of my mind. BUT THAT IS NOT NOW.

NOW I HAVE TOTAL AWARENESS OF MYSELF (of everything it may be..i know not)

SO NOW I WILL WATCH MYSELF TOTALLY, UNTIL I KNOW MYSELF TOTTALY, Until i experience myself TOTTALY

Then i will have mastery over the mind. Then i can control it.

Move in and out of Existence, Out of Harmony. and i will begin simply to move.

Moving seamlessly, Harmoniously. i will Move without having to leave. without having to drop the mug.

for i know dropping the mug creates conflict. but i have not yet experienced that conflict.

I WANT I NEED TO EXPERIENCE THIS CONFLICT SO I CAN MOVE PAST IT. TOTALLY

THAT MEANS FOR ONCE AND FOR ALL. I WILL MOVE PAST IT NOW AND NOW WILL BE FOR EVER ETERNAL INFINITE.

HELLO GOODBYE

GOOD BYE HELLO

EXISTENCE EXISTS

I Will drop the mug
I WILL break the mug (or let the mug break, whichever way YOU want to see it)
I will pickup the mug Or not
I will dance with the mug
I will become THE MUG
I AM THE MUG...But i must drop it first.


Thank you and God Help me.
Thank you God. Thank you.
Be Home soon.

The Scuffles of Enlightenment

Location of Da' Sex Palace? Osho Circle School.


something interesting. its very hard, deciding to live the way you want to be. choosing to live to be yourself, and feel the wieght of the world, of society, of friends and families press down upon you. it makes you want to doubt what your doing, who your being. it makes you cry.

its very hard to have a life and be with other people. its even harder to be with other people when they wont tell you what they want.

and its interesting to reflect on these things. the way i see it, which means so little. i am being asked not to be me, yet being told not to change me. its interesting to notice that they way i am being, leaves me with lesser to no worry, guilt, shame. and what they are telling of me, to not be, would place me back in the mind set i had weeks ago and my whole life previous, a life of worry, of guilt of shame: did i hurt their feelings? am i pissing them off? should i stop singing, then as i would find out, i would attatch, i would feel guilty for not stopping sooner, for pissing them off so much, that it was all really my fault. and if they never said anything (they were never upset or bothered by me) i would have spent so much energy so much stress on the thoughts that question what i was doing over and over and over again until it was over. what was i left with. pain, misery, un happiness. all that worry became so strong, piled up so much that i couldnt enjoy being me, i didnt know how to live, to be alive to be happy. the worst was the thought "you could solve all this by just asking them" and i would worry even more about that. i would begin to worry about worry. i wont i ask them, why are you so cowardly, so shy, thats so stupid that you cant be honest with them. which accomplished no self denial, accomplished me being me and telling me i was bad for it.

and i become stuck questioning it all, going over it over and over. this is what i used to do my whole life, hours upon hours days upon days years... until, i realized (those past couple weeks sept 23, that the mind can never solve this question. the awnser: "i dont know" is honest and true. that is the minds awnser(, and it can circle around the same facts and come up with the same awnser, though it hopes to find something new, sometimes it does, but so much stress was caused.) and the mind hates not knowing, even more it hates admiting it doesnt know.it doesnt know and never will until? until i act, until i make a choice and find out through experience (not hypothesis or conjucture, or debate, or logics, or conception etc).

and know i acccept that its okay not to know, that its so SO SO NORMAL ive accepted i have to be to find out. that i cant live in my head asking questions. and do you know what i find. i find now i am happy, but the people i have relations with are not (maybe not all of them, and some have been healed greatly because they accepted this as me) happy, they are discontented and irritated by me. and i look at this and i look at my past, other people were happy, and i was not (or were they even happy?) i know other people werent as irritated by me.

so this is what i see:
Now: I Am happy, they are not. I am being me, being, experiencing.
Before: i wasnt happy (sometimes yes but not nearly as much), i wasnt honest with myself, i was being but trying to not be. they are being them, whether they were happy probly not cus they were probly doing the same thing i was questioning spending so much energy on debating in ones head to tell this guy hes bothering me, or he took me seat and doesnt realize. should i say or not?

but now im forcing people to speak, to come out of that shell of the mind, and they dont like it. i am being told to stop because we dont want to tell you what we want, that we dont like what your doing. i am being told to spare people this trouble.

and im trying to find a solution, how to spare people this trouble without sparing me, without ceaseing to be me and do what i want. the obvious awnser is to be me to what i want somewhere else. (which makes sense, one person wants to cry the other wants to run around they prolly be better off in differnt rooms)

so do i leave this place this osho commune in italy, because they cant deal with me, and they refuse to tell me what they want me to deal. they will tell me they dont like what i am doing but tell me when i ask them: "no, i am not asking you to change."


this really reminds me of ann rand (eer spelling) author of the fountain head "fountain head" the situation reminds me of the "dependents" the "non thinkers" who critize the other group for being them, but refuse to force them to change, refuse to say it, just keep critizing and by woo by breaking them down have them change theirselves to become like them.

specifcially the court room scene in atlas shrugged, where hank rearden is being asked to give his steel to the government, they keep asking and asking, trying everyway through non force, non will non commitence, and he keeps saying "NO" and then he says if you want my steel, my product you will have to forcibly take it, cease it steal it, because i wont give it to you. and the court room people gasp, the judge says mr rearden no no no we wouldnt never do that, we dont want that, he says this recoiling from fear. and later they black mail him to give the government his steel. they threaten to leak information about a women hes in love with, an affair, and he gives them what they want because he doesnt want i hurt her. and so HE "willingly" gives his steel.

interesting,

well we shall see what happens. ps im gonna post this letter on my blog. its that good! :)

Hello world Im bored

Where Am I in Physical prowess? I mean Im In Malmo (south WEST corner), Sweden


So Shantam is studying plants right now for school. plants, flowers and trees. total like 400 something or something. insane fucking. dont read the word fucking if you dont want to read it. ive caused myself so much stress concerning myself with what you (my ego and whomever is reading this, select individuals i know dont like profanity), im sick of it. know i admit it. it was silly. my head hurts all this thinking (i just found out its not 400 more like 4000 holy shit).

so im going to tell you a story, this story is really formyself. but you can now read it. the difference between Sept. 23 (the last blog acid) and before that is before i was writing for you, i was not writing for myself and i wanted to but didnt know it. now im writing for me.

Events of Sept 22 10pm ish To (practically) sept 23 6:10am ish to (really) NOW

walking down the street picking up a pizza with Shantam my swedish friend i met in india (see india blogs for pictures of Shantam) He talked to me about LSD. i didnt want to do it. but since i hadn't done it i didnt REALLY know if i wanted to or not. (this right here is the Statement of being a realized being, which I AM NOW)

so i asked some questions about it got some awnsers and i decided to do it.
I took a shower, because water is an excellent way to clear out energy. then i saged/smudged off the entire house. i had one room enegergized for meditation and the other to chill out in. shantam wanted to meditate with me because he was stressed. so we light a candle. I spent a good 30min clearing off and charging all my crystals because they too put out energy. then i took some of my crystals placed them around me. shantam struck his tibetan bowl and we begain whatever you so meditate.

i sat forawhile, thinking about the LSD, what to i do? do i take it now....
...i picked it up and held this little sqaure of paper on my finger feeling it.
then i put it in my mouth. spent time meditating then decided to stop. so i started "tripping on LSD" i saw some amazing things, engergies were everywhere. my friend david did a test he doesnt know what he was doing but i would look at him, he would "turn it on" (something with the mind) and i could see his energy change, it stopped and just vibrated at a confinded level.

so i tripped. then everyone went to sleep it was early morning. i wanted to go outside, i love sun rises.

Outside i walked from the apartment wearing a lungi and holding a cup of team no shirt. in a city. i enjoyed the beauty blah blah. then i had a thought, to break to cup of tea. "its not my cup i thought" "so what its just a fucking cup" " i dont care" "if they do ill buy them a new fucking cup" so i decided to break it. i opened my hand and watched it fall to the ground and shatter. in that moment i became realized or maybe later, it just kept going faster after that. i immediately felt this weight lift off me. this freedom became in existence with me. i felt as if i walked out of a prision and didnt even know i was in it.

so it escalated, a sensation of joy came over my with thought " i can do whatever i want" so i walked across the street and played with a shopping cart in my lungi. i began to dance with this cart, litterally, i would spin it around my back and catch it with the other hand on the other side. then i ran and jumped off it. and was total in the moment gliding with this cart. I WAS A CHILD. expressing my joy in the way i've always wanted too. i ran back over to the apartment block on the plot of grass and dove into the grass and rolled rolled played and giggled screamed and sang . people were watching me, they wouldnt look at me, some smiled¨, most were so closed and afraid. i didnt care, fuck them i said. i do what i want now. then i walked through the pond (ive had no shoes on the whole time to) i expressed a funny thought to shantam much earlier joking i want to take a bath in that pond) so i decided to fullfill my desire and i walked through it. then i was done, it was sensationally not someting i really care about doing again for the moment.

Then i found a sand box, i bent over began to pick up sand dissing my desire to not get dirty and OMG sand crap. i through it under and over my legs, like i was digging like a dog, the sand flew up and fell down all around me and on me. then i rolled around in the sand, then i had to take a piss, my first thought was to go inside, my second thought, didnt care and didnt want to go inside. so i took a piss right there in sunrise daylight in the middle of the apartment courtyard sand box. the piss was so clear. i picked some of the piss sand up in my hand and felt it. warm and wet. cool. i rubbed it in my hair more and more, feeling my freedom grow and grow, feeling lighter and lighter, it WAS NICE. yeah. Ö

then i stuck my head/hair down into the sand piss and rubbed it around, feeling freed and excited i got bored and moved on, LIKE A CHILD. changed my mind and my interests, i walked back over to where the broken mug cup was and i thought. NAKED. i felt fear. FEAR OF getting arrested, of being looked at, consequences of doing what i want, in that moment i accepted all the consequences of getting naked and rnning through the street as go to jail get kicked out of the country sent back to USA, i accepted those consequences because what i really WANTED was to be naked in the street. so i took off my lunggi started running out to the street, walking at my pace over the street cars stopping as i took over the street.i WAS IN CONTROL, I walked they chose to stop. i crossed begain walking down the ally of the shopping center. i stood in a bush looking at the road, thinking all these cards just see me with no shirt but im naked HEHEHE. i got out of the bush walked across another road. looking at cars and people looking at reactions and expressions. i waLked off the street to some kind of campus. i saw a beautiful statue of women and her child naked. i wanted to TOUCH THE CHILD. I FELT ICKY, shamed and guilty feeling "sexually aroused" wanting to touch this child. i walked up it was a stone statue i said. i went up like an innocent child to this statue child and pressed my hand upon the vaginal region of this statue child, i laughed, like a child and walked away, feeling child like. and i realized, i never wanted to rape or molest a child, i just wanted to be one innocent. people keep telling me of this forbidden fruit. they made this box on children and continued to impose it. so i grew up feeling horrible and denying these thoughts that escalated into molesting a child. I REALIZED IT WAS JUST A FUCKING THOUGHT, and when i acted upon it for the first time in my light admitting the thought that I WANTED TO MOLEST LITTLE GIRLS NAKED STATUÈS AND THEIR MOTHER, that i didnt actually, didnt really want to do it, and really the child in me did, because it has always wanted to and told not to.

so i walked away giggling and feeling wierd like a child, realizing this consciously feeling my desire that i have denied for 19 years dissolve in mere seconds, i walked back over to the child and touched the mother. I TOUCHED MY MOTHERS BOOBS. that may have been my manifest station, once i did it i didnt care anymore, became bored and found something else to do. walked back to the road and stood around. waiting at the red crosswalk to turn green cars driving by. i walkd into the middle of the intersection LEANED against a sign post, raised on a cement block, so i wouldnt be hit. and stood watching cars watch me. i begain to wave at all the cars i wanted to. buss's and trucks and cars in the early morning hours tired and going to work or working..

some smiled, waved back and i responded realy happily with joyous thmubs up or dancing around. most people just closed down, woulnt wave wouldnt look, some car slowed down drasically, out popped a cell phone camera, i started making poses for it. then i walked past it, the car continued then pulled over, the guys jumped out one holding the camera, i said i dont want them, so i decided to change my mind and walk away, completly severe all thought ties, i did and did it totally, then my feeling to walk up to them came back and i said fuck it. i walked over to them as could percieved rather casually. stuck out my hand shook one guys hand, then extended my hand to the guy with the camera, if didnt want to i persisted for a second or two more ten stopped, then my head shook suddenly, the first guy just punched me, i dont really know how hard, there was a bruise later, nor was there any pain, but i wouldnt surprise me if all my energy was working to protect me in that moment. i realized what happened, didnt like the situation i was in, so i turn and walked away, turning back to shake of his energy back at him with my hands, just like flicking my wrists, awhile, they were muttering/yelled in swedish, turned and walked back to the apartment courtyard. felt a little shooken up but i didnt care to attatch to it much so i didnt. i walked back over to the broken mug, picked up the mug waved at this dude sitting on his porch balcony in another builing accross the courtyard who had seen most of my courtyard theatrics (not the sand box different yard) and walked back in side, i was very dirty it felt good.

i just contunied doing what i wanted to do inside, made tea drank, tea had an urge a thought to roll a ciggerette, so i said fuck it , what do i care? rolled one smoked it, went out to the balcony sat on the chairs naked, no one could see me with the solid railing and being on the top floor. shantam came out, woke up sat down, i told him what i did, he was kinda confused didnt realy understand what was going up, then i flipped over the ash tray because i wanted to, he told me he didnt like that, i told him i didnt care, and we begain to what i now call COMMUNICATION, we began to communicate, it ended roughly with me saying i dont care and him walking back inside. i started doing whatever i wanted inside. they were all very confused, i didnt care, i WANTED THEM to tell me what they wanted, so i did what i wanted and did it so well i made them confront me. which is all i wanted, im sick and tired of spending thought energy on what i think people will or wont want. now i live me life doing what i want, if someone somebeing doesnt like it, its their problem, they have a choice to harbour that discontent inside or they have a choice to confront their ego, stand up for what they want, now i test people, respect must be earned, i want to know how badly you want something if its enough you will speak it to the world to me, then i usualy dont want to cause any further disharmony, but if you want it enough to think it but not act, do anything, thats your problem not mine


IM DONE WASTING THOUGHT ENERGY ON OTHER PEOPLE FOR THEIR SAKE. You are a free willed being, you have a choice. USE IT.

So yea thats about it people, freinds, family, readers. I became Enlighted during the lapse of Sept 23 mid night to sunrise. Enlightened, Self realized, conscious, god conscious, aware, i became the watcher. i flipped the switch and it doesnt matter if it is switched back, because now i know the switch is there, and i can CHOOSE to switch it or not, either is fine.

ALL that crap you people listen too. thinking about, those enightened people who start talked osho, jesus, ghandi whom ever YOU FOLLOW, its really just crap. they say nice things, true things good things BUT THAT WONT LEARN YOU ANYTHING. a conception of enlightenment is not enlightment.

enlightenment is simply saying I AM, I CAN DO WHAT I WANT

im going to write a book and have it publised or myself.

its going to be SIMPLE. If you want to be enlightened YOU WOULD BE IT. but You think you do, WHAT YOU DONT know is that truly you dont want to be enlightened...or you would be. You caNT do what you dont want. and you can do what you want, but not if you dont want it.


SO I TELL YOU THIS FROM ONE REALIZED BEING TO ANOTHER:

YOU ARE ENLIGHTENED, YOU DONT WANT TO BE ENLIGHTENED

Accept what you truly want.

to find that out

YOU MUST DO WHAT YOU WANT.

for when you do what you want you find out if you really wanted to do it.

THEN YOU REALIZE YOU CAN SATISFY WANT/DESIRE in different ways. one way is action another is completíng the thought. children do this its called imagination.

GOOD BYE

and by the way i want to return to the states to be in Santa fe around CHRISTMAS WHEN ITS SNOWING SNOWING SNOWING..


I LOVE THE SNOW

FORGOT TO MENTION: i remembered bhudda became enlightened on a full moon as well as born and died on the same full moon of the year. i was curious if it happened to me.

the awnser is no, it was not a full moon. it was though, in fact Autumnal Equinox. WOOT i feel very proud about that one. its a special day for me now. yeah special day woothootooot

Im in sweden. wooohooooo! im on acid.

To America, To Love, To The Journey

Oh Great Glory, How have you been? Twas yester-year that i left you. have pity on me if disgrace i have given you. show me your mercy kind country for the stereotypes i have filled and commend me for those i have shattered. I have seen you in eyes of many a men, women and children. Eager eyes sprinkling with joy, caustic smears of revulsion, Scathing Jams of voice and limb delivered from the pain of a suffered life. what matters least has been delivered most. I have watched the images painted upon my being all for a name. Your Name. I have been yelled at, been scammed, been acosted, been ignored all for a label. I have been accepted, with no regards to name, nor image of poverty or wealth, for simply me the soul that resides in this body. I have laughed at you, gawked with others, missed you, loved you, dont think i've kissed you. I have learned from you and about you.

I have watched my hair grow from buzz curls to afro preemo.
I have grown hair, shaved hair, grown a little, Shaved, Grown and Shaved partially: waiting just waiting for the real thing to grow in.
I have watched the colors my hairs have changed and the white patch on my leg reside in peace.
I have added ornaments to my wrist, painted my chest, hung crystals about my neck.
I have trimmed, picked, gnawed at and even sliced my nails on many occasions.
I have compared, contrasted; observed, totaled, been stuck in,the familiars, the odd the freaky, the madd, the joy, the everything i am not, you are not have not been and never will be.

yes i've seen your colors, i have seen mine own.
And after 1 cycle of this planet around the bigger sol, outstanding the gravity that pulls you back to home, i begin to humble, i begin to care less of where my physical location is and more of where I Am and Who I Am.

Who Am I?

In past times when this philisophical rants, and logical talks of the mind and enlightenment were so ingrained in my head, when the simple feeling reigned all. and i would meet people, i would watch them, talk with them, but didnt know them, they were so strange, so different, or maybe so similair. i would ask myself a question, almost incredulously i would saw: "who are you?" and i would accept them for the unique fun loving beings we all are.

It has been one year since Yorik found his way in the face of George Bush Senior. HEHE.

It has been one year.

And it may be one more.
And it may be two more.
And it may be no more.

For now, I call to the sound of Sleep, my right eye has become lazy. My left just blinked.
For i shall add to this, so please come back.

Good night World. Sleep well, Wake well, Breathe well, Live well, Do well, Love well.

We belong to eachother, We are Connected, Everything Is. I say Hello, You say Goodbye and we meet on the otherside.

it's times like these: LOVE, LOVE, LOVE. Its always time.

Colin





Celebration. Salvation Army Hostel, Mumbai, India : April 8, 2006




Scarf Shopping. Varanassi, India : June 8, 2006




Airplanes, Cookies and a whole lotta Smiles. McLeod Ganj, India : July 4, 2006




Sureen & Priyanka Colin's farewell. Dehli, India : July 18, 2006




The Last Train Ride. Udaipuir - Mumbai, India : July, 26, 2006




Lunch out with Granny and Friends. Isle of Wight, England : August 8, 2006




Working at Reading Festival(80k +). Reading, England : August 28, 2006




Promenade The Brighton Pier. Brighton, England : September 4, 2006

Festies, Pubs, and Brigh-T-ON

Where the cool cats hang? The soon to be Ex house of Manjula--Fay for faith for fairy, Brighton, England.

Muhahahahaha. So many people. you are all so many people. and to think theres so many more.

I need some direction in this blog:

Whats going on?

> Well Since leaving you all stranded on the Isle of Wight with david Icke, Tomato's Basil Sadhana and Granny. I completed working festival rounds at Beautiful Days, which was only somewhat beautiful. The bands were all peeps i didnt know, and only a few were good. though i did see the proclaimers and they proclaimed some sweet songs. and also the levellers, which host this festival and were amazing live. I met a connection which led me to another festival. this was bigger and better. this was one of the biggest. it aint Glastonbury, nor Leeds, but Reading. I belive it was 80k people. thats many. i worked a 21:00 - 9:00 shift for 5 days. manning a firetower which overlooks all the campgrounds has ample view of all the crazy shiza going on. this is england and a festival so people were exceptionally drunk and fucked out of their little pink socks. it was a great experience. Many big bands, i still didnt know most of the headliners but that was no biggy. I missed Pearl Jam, I was working, but the other goodies i saw were flogging molly, millencolin, less than jake and reel big fish--who omg are the most amazing band live. there just so damn cool. for the rest i was in the comedy tent or sleeping...yea sleeping. i had about 4-5 hours up and about each day which some was spent sleeping again. night shifts are so cool. i saw 5 sunrises aaaw so beautiful. even got paid some juicy poundage. on top of the wristband (ticket) which costs a cool 150pounds which has helped me greatly in my fun of england.

I got two of my friends i met in india to come down and work as well. so we all got to enjoy the good times. then i traveled to good ol'd st. Albans home of 4 friends of mine. all from india. so a load of goodies it is. while i spent the few days there recovering my sleeping schedule enjoying a night in the town (bars and clubs) i made haste to exunt, alex's parents are having their 100th birthday (50 + 50) this last weekend and needed the bedroom for their parents.....

On the train again...3 hours later im at the beach in brighton. the brighton coastline is filled with various sizes of pebbles and stones. all well rounded from years of ocean science. brighton has many feautures which i have yet to discover. but its one of englands alternative cities. yes it is. hippies, gays, tree huggers, art, and bedazzled with shopping shoppping shopping.. a little of everything.

sounds like so much juice. so sorry if i didnt squeeze enough. or it was a little on the bland side. i think im going to sweden next. wow wow wow.

until next time, good bye folks

cool kitty.

A Title of Love

Sometimes

The world spins and I spin with it. Feeling Love: However it comes across, lands to find
Peace of Heart
Living Silently
Feeling all that is whenever i seek the presence in my heart i seek life in the absolute.

Oh Thank You life! Thank you for all the grace you have bestowed upon me i never seem to thank you enough.


Life has enough troubles to slow us down with, for we forget so easily all the many times life has helped us. We forget to Love and to be loved. is it. It is the most amazing thing in all time. live and let love shine out from our hearts, Let it radiate around the world purging every corner and hallowed ground with light.

Greet me on a summers day holding flowers in our hands running like children through fields of marigolds, a delight of senses fills the air. And silently watching our hearts speak music to the world we dance. Hope anon for the world to be restored to love and light. Hope anon that we children do bring the light. Hope for every more that little bygones do deserve dwellings in the lands we labour no more in. Let us find a soul to share our pains. Let us transcend the world together as one unison of existence. Hold onto love whenever it finds your path. Never turn an eye for fear the other loses its way. Breathe the songs existence has wrote time and time again. Breathe the fantasy's played out in our heart to bring truth and fruit to the world.


The pain will stop ever more, the hurt will cease and our hearts no longer will creep but shine forth blossoms in the sky.

Oh life grant me this one. Let me not stray from the path of love: As love will lift us higher then we ever could soar, Love will cradle and nurture our beings to never fear. Never lose Love for Love never loses us.

give me the eyes to see love
give me the ears to hear love
give me the touch to feel love
give me the tongue to taste love
give me the nose to smell love
give me the capacity to be love
give love give life.


LOVE

--Thank you Piyusha. You brought love to me heart. Thank You.

The Road I walked, Trotted, Spun, Twirled, Laughed, Giggled, Hopped, Skipped, Pranced, Jumped, Whooped and Hooped.

Location of Da' Sex Palace? John and Barbie's, Watford, England. (Part 1) - The House of Sadhana and Granny, The Town of David Icke (Ryde), IOW (Part 2: Present)


Dear fAIthful bLOG Readers,

My time in india finnally came to a close. furthermore i wish to apologize for all the blogs that i havent written in the past weeks, maybe months.

but hear me hear me, i will unleash a squack for you.

I spent some goody fun time in Mcleod Ganj.

Arriving i hooked back up with two friends i met in banaras. english and australian couple. we spend time walking, talking....then found a restuarant. ate food, chatted...left. found new resturaunt, ate food, left. it was a vicsious cycle.

we played cards...Gambled with chocolate. see the victors and their spoils

met some more english people. hung out and chatted. walked around the beautiful mountains. attended the Dali Llama's birthday--but he was sick, thus a no show.

I spent a least three weeks after vipassina suffering from all the trauma of smashing my old brain patterns. its been quite an intense experience. it caused me to realize quite a few important things. this idea of faith, commitment, i've always had issues with. but now i start small. correct myself. i have a rule that i must meditate everynight. there is no time requirement. as long as i get into posture, which i start to find once ive gone to all the trouble i end up silent sitting for longer than i intended..... the starting nights i would meditate for 5 seconds before bed( some nights it was like 2 sec maybe. i tell you this vippassina wants to fuck you up for the better). slowly now i relax and meditate for longer periods of time. it was a beautiful trick to get me to put the habit on my plate.

I've become very interested in Crystals. the energy, the posseses fascinates me, as well as other stones. i found a beautiful shop with a beautiful lady in McLeod Ganj, i spent hours in her little shanti shop full of crystals talking and looking/feeling/understanding crystals. i bought a few and their amazing. i've become very sensitive to their vibes now. i sleep with a few and wear another. i've experimented with different layouts, and its all so fun how you can change your entire sleep by changing the direction of a crystal under your head.

Then i high tailed it over to Rishikesh for a week. squeeze till the last drop. can you feel it?

Here at Sadhana's I've had many sleeps to play with. I've been thinking that if i could stop dreaming during sleep i would sleep better, less, feel more refreshed. Past: The silent sleeps i've had i woke feeling right as rain and crystal clear.

So i've been experimenting with the lucid side of things, with and with out my crystals, its been quite an experience. i was able to wake after five hours with my mind feeling fresh and awake, unfortunetly im learning a balance and my body didnt like that, a few times--it was lovely i got up had some MUSELI and watched the sunrise. I suppose i could rant for a bit on all this lovely body shifting experiences, but i dont want to, better in person.

Hmm...I've got lots of sewing to do, from all the india clothes i bought where they wont hemm the seams so it starts to fray. now i feel all light and fluffy when i walk around. its funny though, i started dressing like a white boy india tourist after i left. during i kept all my america clothes and tried to make them last as long as possible.

I've got about 6 months in Europe, possible more. Im not sure what ill do with it. I've come accross a number of ideas, so many possibilites. For the immediate moment and future: I'm Stewarding for a festival "Beautiful Days" (You can google it to, search within the U.K. pages) over in Exeter (SW) England, then Up to St. Albans to Reclaim my *Coughs*Stolen Hemp English Style grey hat that you all know. I can remain abstinent from all forms of sexual activity(I haven't said its been easy), but the women still get their way. tsk tsk tsk. Fortuneatly for me shes a nice women. After this week chilling with real english people...yeah baby... one of which will be my personal historian/Archeologist + Tour Guide, The other stole my hat, and the third well i shant discuss naudy neddy, she's...naughty, I will fly to Where? Weee Planes WHOOOOOOOOO(high pitch) A BOOT.

Yeah i miss that ol' boot. good old boot. where on hevens earth would i be. nice boot. warm boot. fuzzy boot. TASTY boot. Passionate Boot. How many boots you met that fill all that?

ITALY

Oh wait. It is to be a surprise: My arrival...

Italians shouldn't read this blog until my surprise arrival in Italy. If you are Italian and i know you in Italy, You ought to be nice and play Secret Silent mouse(SSM) Because your now in on the secret. MWUFF cheese. *Smiles*

Im feeling about ready to go Vipassina Round 2. we'll see wont we.

Okay sorry to make you all wait. It so hard being Me. hehehe.

Ciao Amore

Happy One Year Birthday Gypsy Oddyssey Blog

It is your Birthday. EVERYONE SHOUT: HEY BUNGALO BILL, WHAT DID YOU KILL, BUNGALO BILL. NOW SHOUT: ITS YOUR BIRTHDAY BLOG. HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

Today, in International Traveling affairs, we give you breaking news. as today is Gypsy Odyssey's Birthday. You are one year old. Congratulations.

Please everyone celebrate this birthday in your own light.

Name: Colin McLeod
Age: 19
Sex: Male
Permanent Address: A Place in France (i'll write it next time)
Purposed Stay in India: Tourist (eer let me write traveling gypsy on quest, you bloinks)
Arrival From: Dehli
Probable Destination: Pushkar
Mode of Transportation: Train
Passport #, expire, issue, and place: 21373xxxx, may 05, may 2015, USDOS
Visa #, expire, issue, place: 6989929, 21-08-06, 21-02-06, Bangkok
Length of Stay in India: 10 days
Nationality: American

Misc. Questions
Time to fill this out: 10 min.
Written redundencies: One

Why bother?: Half the time i write in squibish.

Arrival In India: March 25


Fun responses.
Where you From? My mother.
Where you From? A place in france...Where the naked ladies dance...0h nevermind.
Where you From? No hablo englesia
You from Russia? Da
Where you From? JESUS i've only been there once.

Well my fellows and fellaws and fellews. India is turning me up and sending me back...to ENGLAND!
9 Days until my departure. But i have 5 to see as much of rajisthan as posible. Heh.

I know I Know This aint Much of Much. Im sorry But im on a Time Constriant. Its You, The Blog or Rajisthan. Lets make it Clear, as with others who have not got it. Rajisthan takes Priority. But ill fill you in soon enough. 10 days.

Ciao


I like it when it rains.

Or when the red water comes out.

Humeny Humeny Humeny Croaik

Current jived spot for my booty to sleep at night? Rishikesh- where
the Babas and Sadus are the nicest.
Next place: tomarrow Dharmsala

So like im here in the self-proclaimed yoga capital in the world. i
havent done any yoga, i think i shot myself in fooot for that one.
but i;ve got an acheing for some auyervedic massage, as some cool
kerolin dude read my pulse and told me my backs messed up, my
shoulders and neck are way tight, my crown chakra is peeved--you been
thinking to much, and your solar plexious feels way grody. so that
sold me, as i could feel most of those things and defenitely felt
alot of them release during these two massages he gave me. so i maybe
learn some auyverdic massage from this dude in manali as hes like 7
days $60 so pretty good for me. though still run my hot.

so i been doing some indepent nature hiking and its led me to a big
ancient holy place of worship for hinuds bhind the laxman village in
rishikesh its about a 4 hour hike+ first stretch is over this massive
range of mountains and then down into the valley on the other side.
this temple has been around for atleast 2500 years or parts of it. as
they have a shiva fire, like in Banaras. the fire of shiva thats been
burning for 2500 years. so i got som blessing and gave some blessing.
the walk was the best. there were mad amounts of people and gaurds
kicking everybody everywhere so they would move on through this big
massive convolluted line. i took a paper wrapping amount of shiva fire
to keep for personal use. the place was pretty sweet but it didnt mean
much to me, i supposed if i was hindu and really cared about rituals
pertaining too then it would be sweet. but the journery to and from
was the best. orriginally i went looking for the beatles ashram, found
the next day. but then a massive group of young india males, kidnapped
me and i begain hiking up this mountain with them. then we seperated
as i found a field ontop of the mountain that had the same vibes as
fairy glen and begain to frolic in it. catching up with two other
indian guys, working in bihar as various engeering jobs, on holiday, i
spent my temple time, queing time and riding ontop of a truck driving
back to rishikesh speeding quite fast indeed down the windy mountain
and around, with them. so alls well that ends well. im gonna go take a
swim in the raging torrent of the ganga river today. but dont worry im
not gonna swim out far , just stay on the side where its safe. did i
mention seeing dead bodies at banaras? yes well rishikesh....has fresh
ones floating down the river. quite ironic actually: i was talking to
some peeps about these three boys that drowned (two because the kept
going in after to save the others, the fourth was restrained from
entering forcefully) in the ganes river, then discussing the river and
all its holiness, undercurrents and rapid movments....silence staring
into the soul of the river.....stands up...approches balcony..speaks
out: hey guys....

we stand silent and, myself, awed serenly, watching a middle aged man
floating face down...coming coming, here, going going going
gone....thus the circle of life goes.

now im in Dharmsala, go find me some Dali Lama to give a few chinnings too.

Ciao peeps

Beastly business. PROPS TO THE BEAST!

Stepping on the heels.

Location of Da' Sex Palace? Dehra Dun.
What does this mean? aah. yes Meditation, Vipassina Style in a couple hours.
Why on earth--?earth is only the ground. from there it just goes up baby.

that last ridiculousness? Kajerahao. uugh.

the last disgust? bodhgaya.

The palace of love? i only hit the back, they wanted to skin me for the front.

The movie? tah tu hhuh dude. MOVIE.

the only thing i've really bought in india, for like no reason at all? a multi- colored [varanassi] silk scarf in banaras, thats way light. so purty and fragile.

why am i writing? :did you see that tumbleweed!!!

am i enlightened? I AM

*Giggles*

is that cool? feels way good.

do you like it on top or egs poached? if the eggs were good, it wouldnt matter..but poached.

what is not italian food? spaggetthi noodles and ketchep sauce!

well. well. well.

Hoku Gone. Alex Gone. Colin.

But Alex comes back to life for a moment. Hoku is dead as a duck.

From what my memory serves:
"6 May. American Tourist, studying the Zen way. Boggles*. Alex Smith"

Dear Alex Smith,
I know not what you wrote *, nor do i know if your really Alex or just an alex.

but i have to say, that (japanease) indosan temple in bodhgaya was my favorite.
and they had a nice meditation, though i was a little off center to properly focus. the other temples were no fun. the tibeten was beautiful also the buhtanease (amazing artwork) but they werent very open.

the temples here in bodhgaya, i now explain. open at 2pm forsome many x hours. but fence you out of the alter. you walk into this immaculate space. filled with artwork, and gaudy golden buddhas, instruments and inscence. but the only let you walk about 5 feet in then bam you hit the viewing gate. behind the gate is a big box where you can donate. theres like 15temples in bodhgaya, japanease, tibetan, chinease, bangledesh, thailand, nepal so many. there all similiar. different design, but same goings. viewing gate with dontaion box. also the monks arent even around. they just give you some empty temple and you see some guys leg sticking out from the back room door reading a newspaper. maybe it changes when you come during tourist season. but then i might be more silly. eh. this was silly. and the japanease temple was cool. the outside grounds werent gated so you could freely walk around and enjoy the grass and shade. they had a playground for kids their view gate was the largest span and had the lowest gate. a modest gate about a foot off of the ground. non intrusive. a gate of modest mindfulness. then they let you cross the little shin gate and meditate at 5pm with them while they played music and sang or chanted.

but these is not the main attraction. no the famous bodhi tree where buddha attained enligtenment is here in town. yes sometimes i have expectations. what would the tree look like. rather where would it be. what would be its surroundings. well i had envisioned. a beautiful tree sitting solemnly by itself with much space to grow. with a beautiful stone under neath mearking where buddha sat and with much space between the temple and the tree. so you would be in a small garden with a tree in the center.

sighs. it made me sad and revoluted me. it was completly opposite.

the east side of the tree a MASSIVE temple was built and rebuilt. that spans straight up and side. giving no space for the tree. leaving it pressed up against this temple. w hat has happened? the tree cannot grow east and has not done so in a very long time as there are no branched that point east. now the tree grows south north and west. and it grows and grows outand out and the tree begins to lose balance. so they put big poles and suppurt the western branches of this beautiful BEAUTIFUL tree. on ground the tree is gated twice within two feet and less outside of this gate is pure cement. outside the gatehas been carved downwards. so the tree sits on a stone block and its roots cannot grow outwards to the west because a 3 foot cement block as been created. now its down and east for the roots. the small patch of earth around the tree which is very small indeed lies completly baren and moist. ugly. nothing is there. mudd. the stone where buddha sat as been transformed into a diomond shrine. a massive work of diaomands and gold and other ostentatious and gaudyness that i cant begin to see in buddha that clutters the tree . looking at the tree from6 feet away you justsee a great clutter aphixiated mess at the roots.

like i said for better or for worse. for lack of contentment here or there, i was revolted and promptly left. the grounds of this temple are nice and very big. the temple inside is all AC which is great for mediation and hot sun. inside is big golden buddha... 8 feet. i sat down and enjoyed the meditation. it was strong. as in there lies energy.

well that was bodgaya.

before that:

Banaras it was. banaras is nice, way nice. i love it. beautiful city. great vibe. the ghats are just just great. nice nice very nice. a little pressed on time.--:

anywho
i had a painful experience at the burning ghats. i came at night time. and let my heart open. for i just open up at the feel of bodies burning in holy water and natural earth. earth, wind, water, fire. baam baby. well some guy approches me starts talking. telling me things. catches my interest when he starts explaining the rituals and symbology of the whole place and its holiness. i started asking him all sorts of questions and learned many things.

where upon i touched the 7,000 year old shiva fire (eternal fire) though i was surprised at how...open, un gaurded, un protected it was. just sitting on a ledge with an over hung roof. 10 sec away from where they burn. for they use the fire to burn the bodies.

anyway he takes me up top for a better view. keeps talking of the "old lady" who takes care of people who have come to this building and are waiting for death. mentions her quite a few times and, though modestly, and you can donate to her and buy some people some wood. i rememer alex coming accross this in blogs. anywho i didnt heed his words. i had no concern to regard his words and trusting or not. and indeed i did not judge his words to be a lie. i was just vibing out in bliss and love with the fires. anywho hes like they lock roof now we leave. he had built up this "old lady" to be an honourable gracious women. he even mentioned mother terease and her... i just remarked wow she must be an amazing lady. but he took be down and said now we see old lady. she bless you, you give her donation. he said this many times. but this was my way out. he stops and approaches some figure lying down aside the wall. gives her some pushes. i told him not to wake the old lady. he was adamant. quickly she sat up and outstretched herhands. its dark, theres no light and some random women, whois in a position to be more of a homless beggar than a humanitarian, stretchs her hands out for alms.
he says now you donate, 1 quart 3 quarts of wood. as you like.

immediatly i respond : " i will not donate" he gets irritated and say why not? becausew i do not want to give you money, i say. his vexation increases. he says your making me angry do not make me angry. at this point, i stopped bowed by head (all the while holding my hand on my heart before and after) gave silence and love to my heart. came back to him and said no. he said fine give me tour fee. "no" he says i yell get many men to come up, they give you big problem. "NO". i go to leave and he grabs my arm. i continue to walk. not heeding his pull. he briskly gets in front and says fine come with me, as to take me to the men. holding my space, my heart, i exit the building with him in front. he stops outside and i keep walking giving no notice. he grabs my arm and i again take no action aside to continue. he yells at me, cursing saying "..fucking...you dont come back here again....i throw you in the fire next time i see you" i turn to him face him from the distance i am at. raise my hand prayer stytle and give him "namaste" turn and leave.

he yells so more i go give me goodbye respect to the fire with the same gesture. my heart was pounding. his threats did arouse fear in me. i was aware of how hurt i was. i left saying quietly holding my heart "not nice, very not nice" shaking my head slowly. my heart and my head were intensely alive. my head (chakra's) felt strong, no pulsing just hardcore strength as in i was connected straight up and out and it was holding me stabiliazed, as in grounded from above. and my heart, its tender pain that i nourish the rest of the night. having to do some intense medition and heart theraphy later on that night for myself.

later i ran into an old irish friend from mumbai. which was great i needed someone to hug and just talk with kindly after that.

i took a morning boat ride with some friends, very very nice. 2 hours $1 up along the holy river. on the otherside lies a white boat beached. he rowed past that and i saw two bodies floating. there are i belive 6 people they will not burn. children , pregnant women, snake bite death, leprosy, sadus oh and animals. this bodies get wrapped up with head stone and sink to the bottom. after many a long time theu decay and some escape their bondage and float up. i only saw bones and some clothes. nothing gruisome, but intense. and i hold it beautiful and with love all the same.

GOtta GO,


Truth, Love and Silence


Colin McLeod

Am i a Tumbleweed?

Location of Da' Sex Palace? Tumbling from Dehli down to Agra for the Palace that Love built.

Okay some im not tumbling as in Out of Control, or without a sense of direction. I've got my sketch. i know my directional direction. i've got some time tables. and stuff.

But mainly i just dont know.

that is okay.

My movie is finished. i got to play the part of an american...have i met some people like i played before...well i suppose. i probably meet more watching other american movies then i do in real life. it was interesting. i only had like one or two scene's where i starred the camera. the rest i hung around, made some noise, basically relish for the camera and the scene. mark couldnt involve himself that much in things cus everyone spoke hindi. but i would laugh when they laughed because laughter is funny. or play along like i was cool when sanjay grabbed some guys balls and threatened him. and looked sad and shocked when buntys ganga shot sanjay. i almost got shot. sanjay got jealous that i always hada women. sanjay was a nicer guy when off camera and living his own life with the name of shraeas. halfway during the filming with him. i found out this guy is a total star. and he's a way cool star that doesnt make fusses about his greatness.

Are they really gone? is it so. it's been so long since i've seen my friends alex and hoku, since i've seen anyone that i know from america or even europe. I think i like being a tumbleweed, it sounds cute and characaturish.

It's all quiet on the eastern front except for colin and the tumblweed tumbling over a canyon. It's time for me to catch it...

Inside Bollywood: Cancerous Sores, Kavyanjali and one Monkeys Ass

Welcome to The first Declared edition of "Inside Bollywood", By your White Gypsy Guru Colin McLeod!

Rice

Tilda. Yes i Love Tilda, I've loved her since birth. She straddled me in my cradle and kept me warm at night. i used to play with Tilda in the Bath, until Tilda ruined all the Pipes and made mommies pipes burst. Tilda is my Rice. I Buy Tilda in England(but available in america too!). Tilda is in a fancy Bag, has a fancy zipper, says Tilda is great and You should Cook With Tilda.

One day, My beloved Tilda Creators acknowledging that i truly had a deep affection for tilda tossed me into a super Market named Spar in India (but also in Europe). --Tilda is not concerned with The name Spar..Tilda is and always will be concerned with her little grainy self. its okay because we LOVE Tilda.--Tilda's Creators instructed me in my divine love for Tilda to Shop in the background while Tilda's Fame grew even larger on the Great Eye and stimulus projector.

I was a content little Asian....Until Some Tilda Loving Impostor invaded my Tilda's personal Space. the Guy was full of Pomp and that girl just couldn't honestly Love Tilda they she needed to be loved (thus it took like 1 hour to shoot her 15 second scene), so they made her pretend to love it but she couldn't even do that.

So what did i do?
Yes! ask it right now before continuing to read on. ? I was pushing my cart walking up the isle, slowly encroaching upon Tilda and The Impostor Rice Lover Females Backside. There's lots of Food in supermarkets! Lots of Rice! More rice than your average supermarket: ASIA! I Grabbed me up some of that Rice (Not Tilda), It was Tilda's Rival, Which is every Farmer and Cook and Breed and Atom not related to Tilda in the cosmos, and Lovingly Placed my New Rice in THE SHOPPING CART! MUHAHAHA. Little do they suspect that Behind Tilda's back and Impostor, lies a Bag of RICE In A CART, Slowly but aggresivly encroaching upon Tilda's Fame.

Now For you Hungry Asians in England, You Can Help me Out. Sometime on a TV Near you In England Only, lies a commercial Named Tilda, for White Rice. You can tune in Day and night Until the Glorious Day that you see me in my Pink Shirt Casually perusing the Isles in search of Rice, and Charging the Hill (with my new rice)in my Yellow Shirt and Cart, Attacking the Tilda. This may be in two weeks, maybe a month.
I'm Not entirely Sure.

INGRAIN this name in your brain, to stimulate refreshed and obedient determined concentration and observation upon the outside entity that utters the word: TILDA!

Then you can see me!

Sugar Rice With Monkey Sauce

Additionally, and Incidentally i wasn't playing Contumacious Guru the Whole night, Only twenty min. The time was spent from 8pm to 6am, not sleeping, but prancing about in a supermarket with 3 other white people, Jon From Canada, and two women from Sweden. The Women Named Nikki, began Flexing her control upon me by calling me monkey and slapping my ass all night long! follows also and warm soft and still intense affection upon the back, arms, hands, fingers. Good healthy Flirting, and body sensuality. ---A MASSAGE!

Of Course: We were in constant advisement by peering eyes, being on a set has that drawback, but no attention we paid, eyes shut just holding each other cuddling. aaaw how cute! well it was going well, until it went great! We, are passing each other in set on set, on camera, over and over as shes shopping and so am i. Eventually......................................

bre ak


time comes along. she desires to inform me of the 4 types of orgasms. that went something like this: The Negative, The Positive, The (I Forget) and The Fake. Yes i know that was anti-climactic, but in real life not only did every blood vessel in me surge, my voice begain in harmonious pursuit of hers, (until the fake, cus baby there was no faking that energy)followed by the Pricked ears and Increased blood flow of the Dozen or so Indian Males sitting around with nothing else to do, eyes suddenly popping to meet our direction.

Hmmm....There was no discretion in her voice, i was her backup ensemble, she said she couldn't have done it without me. hehe. Little miss 29yr old Nikki Kept asking to spank her "monkey" (aka ME) all night long The monkey was enthralled by this new designation and his ass was only partially sore. Incidentally not from her slapping but from uncomfortable chairs, taxi rides, steps, toiled seats, floors, counters, shelves, upside down trash cans and more.

Coughs. Excuse me, what did i say about being on set the whole time? Well we were on set the whole time, though our Coordinator (guy the comes scouting for us and brings us to set and home) did offer repeatedly to fancy the backrooms as they were away from peering eyes. We responded as such that it was completely and utterable unnecessary and the sexually repressed people of the world should be excluded no longer from affection. That's not to say we wanted to massage their backs too...

Well the Women went home to sweden the Following morning, But that Morning we all went back to their place (that is me and John--whose a really good friend from the past couple weeks) slapped around one of the jumbo size balloons guys are always trying to sell on the streets then joined hands in circle formation to meditate standing up for along ass time. mind you at this point we hadn't slept for 24 hours. yess good. The mind is dead, the Ego is Struggling in in a final fatal Futality and our energy is radiating happy Bliss. Then we collapsed to the floor, they collapsed first, i went lotus and continued, but retreated to laying on my back head straight on the hard tiled floor when i found myself and waking up falling to the ground. VERY ALARMING!

Then we woke at like noon, they decided they were sick of prossers and wanted luxury for their last night. Jon and I, are fond of prossers as its the nicest room in colaba for 600 and its massive.(several occasions we have tried to escape the bed bug ridden infectious salvation army for the spacious white hygene of prossers, no avail) BIG BIG ROOMS. so they were like To THE TAJ!

We escorted their bags to the Taj (and upstairs, where was the fucking Bellboy!!!) to their rooms, then we hung in their rooms and awked at the splendor. yea it was nice. not spacious, had bad room design, so not fung shui or anything vibing shanti. just cramped with stuff ostentatiously. i expected better for the famous Taj! i really did, i wasn't all that impressed. any who it was cool. yea so we left, they stayed. i saw em later that night, for a bit helped them haggle for some stuff. got Nikki's contact and that be it. Yea!


But that's not It for Colin- The Bollywood Porn Star.

Porn: a Candorously cancerous expression of Maternal Desires to Excrete energy from a base level, forming in the minds of fictitious reality bound upon the bonds of 'A Far seeing Portal of Electromagnetic waves' converted to a sense we Primal Creatures can Comprehend as: Sight and Sound, The End gain being: To Produce nipple numbing pleasure.....

....But i only asked her to Dance! and that Married Women was so bleakly Arctic, a Polar Bear could run over her neck with dry ice and she would turn around to remark a Shrew with a Cold. That women didn't give as much as a wink of sincere scorn nor adulation. This all transpired in front of her Husband, She got a barrage of obscene verbal artillery afterwards, let me tell you.

Let me Also tell you How the Dialogue went:

Jai: So, You like they Party?
John Fernando (me): Yeah its great, But i don't know some many people here.
Jai: Aw don't worry man, heh, wait. "Bleak Bitch" come over here.
"Bleak Bitch": Yes Jai?
Jai: "Bleak Bitch":(In Hindi) I would like you to meet John. John (in English) Meet my wife, "Bleak Bitch".
John: Nice to meet you. (it was 'hello, how are you?' but the bleak bitch had to have it changed for the close up shot)
"Bleak Bitch": Thank you (insincere Shaky fraudulent piece of unwholesome stinky stucky cheese! WOMEN!)
John: May i Dance with you? Extends hand in a congenial manner.
"Bleak Bitch": I'm Sorry (lieing again you Artic cheese), I Can't.

Bleak Bitch walks off, accompanied by shocked confusion from John.

John (aside to Jai): What Happened to her?
Jai: Excuse me yada yada... wife's a bitch yea i know...
END SCENE WITH JOHN!

Any who Jai's a really cool guy, though i forgot his real name, he's the younger brother on this kinda like Soap Opera TV Show about a big rich family, with a great Grandma, Uncles, Bros Sista's Moms and Paps. My friend is 23, the women who plays his mom is 26...heh hehe GNORT. The Show is named Kavyanjali. For More Information please visit: http://starplus.indya.com/serials/kkavyanjali/index.html

I Watched This Show Shortly after the Publishing of this Blog last night, and Recorded my Appearance with my Digital Camera from the TV. My part aired April 28, 2006 and was filmed April 27. Im gonna find out about this show tonight, available to my discretion every week day night on star plus at 9:30pm. My part airs tonight or tomorrow. this was filmed yesterday. They say they'll call me back for an encore(well that's my word, MUHAHAHA) ---no im scripted in to re-appear...so they say.

Well thats all for this Edition of Hanky Pants.

In one last Developing Charade: Watch Colin's Debut on Kavyanjali http://video.google.com/videosearch?q=colin+mcleod+Bollywood - It will take an additional day(or less) before it's published and viewable.

Colin McLeod Can successfully and pleasureable make these animal sounds:

Cow
Dog
Cat
Pigeon
Monkey***
Turkey
Horse
Rooster (still working on this one)
I suspect, theres one more, but i forgot it.

Something Snazztastic

Well im STILL in Mumbai, Bombay, Somewhere in India, On the other half of the world, Outside the USA, On a different planet, In Existence. Though So are you.

Dont be to shy everybody were all amounting to the same energy. you can divide and color eachother as much as you want but "God doesnt deny you" - OSHO

Well fuck i just wanted to add something: but you should go to the bottom

Mumbai is paying off. In Fun, In Money, In unexpected experience. I've been doing the extras in movies and commericials things as a mocked white guy for indians lately, as your all well aware. I may have commented facietiously on me becoming a rising star but slowly it is taking place. I, Colin Mcleod will be feat. in an advertisement for Chewing gum (Dental Cleaning) in an Italian Magazine come a few months. ludicrious i know, but it was fun. the fun beat all the other funs in this business. it started with a cellphone camera taking my picture and sending it to the big wigs of this photoshoot. well they liked my face. they liked it so much they decided to make me the star of the advertisment. BAAM BOOTY!

It Goes something Like this.

A couple days ago i arrive on set Location somewhere between Andari and the Mumbai Airport. it was a Shanti Set. The Shantiest i've ever been (Peace is Shanti) we they hauled in around 5-6 white people for the shoot. the set was an airplane. they were building half an airplane. WOW! and taking pictures of the seats. WOW! ok thats boring.

But They held food for us. Never in this business have i received breakfast in the morning only lunch and snack in the afternoon. usually its because we get there at 9am much too late. but they held the break fest for us specially until we arrived. AND IT WAS GOOOD. LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS of GOOD FOOD. i was blown away. normally theirs so many people that you can only have like one portion and then it goes. also you have to deal with the indian idea of Lines---HEHE. here was so nice and peaceful we got our breakfast got our Chai (note this was the best CHAI i've had in india or close too), and there was always chai, chai and coffee. never had trouble getting some chai. in the bollywood industry its an ordeal to procure some chai. they gave our chai in glasses. so big cups of chai too. wow. then we sat around and chatted and rested and lounged and relaxed for awhile while they finished building the set. the gave us chips and cookies then BROWNIES. like homemade TASTY brownies. which was the weirdest thing to see in india. Brownies that were way good and not from barrista's. then they served us lunch. we hadnt done anything all day so we were all full on breakfast and brownies. ooooh its good to be full on tastyness. this set was air conditioned to the max. like nice and cool. the set completly beat every other set ive been on.
The people were so nice and relaxed. when on bollywood set everybody is moving constantly, the vibe is very frazzled and rushed. you also have the star syndrom. everybody changes their attitudes a few notches when you have big stars on location. when theres no one big and only a couple people for the shot its quiet and peaceful. so were chilling and laughing with the producers.
THEN
they got me changed. that had sent me to a tailor for measurements. they went out and bought nice new clothes just for me (i kept the sexy yellow t-shirt)

AND NOW

Im sitting in the middle seat on this sexy hot airplane. when your looking to the window you swear your headed to the sun. Your blind and your on fire when you look at/touch it. luckily for me i had a FAT indian guy on my right side that took all the heat. unluckily for me He was really fat, and an equally if not larger fat guy was sitting on my other side. They were squishing me in. this was the point.

It went something like this. These two fat FAT guys are so fat, so sleepy, and so unconcerned with my comfort that i cant actually get up to go to the bathroom to BRUSH MY TEETH. Luckily i have (insert Brand name i've never heard of) Chewing Gum to clean my teeth for me on this (assumingly) LONG plane ride.

YEP! and Im PIST OFF and Grumpy and irritated that these fat guys are fat and sitting on me. it was alot of fun. the fat guys were awesome. we just joked and laughed the whole time. they put makeup on me which was crazy. i looked like a girl. cus girls wear makeup and it was weird. so for like 1hour 1/2 i got to make faces at the fat guys while the took like 300 photos positioning everyone and everything.

So my italian friends when i find out what magazine it is. you'll be the first to know and see me COLIN IN ITALY!

Then i met a guy. this Guy is named manish. Manish is a new to the business of Film Directing. But i like him. hes a good guy, a nice guy. and he has casted me in his new movie titled:

"Love Story"

Directed By: Manish Tiwary

A young college fresher, Apu – bored with his life in college in Delhi – takes on his best friend's challenge if he can have sex with 3 women in a day. The women that Apu finds himself attracted to range from a prostitute, to a virgin, to a rich model. As our protagonist searches for women he can love, what is explored are the very nature of friendship, male bonding, voyeurism, sexual perversion and love.

Synopsis:

The film is set around students in Delhi University. Through two university hostellers, Apurv, a rich cosmopolitan guy and, Sanjay, an old-fashioned Bihari guy, the film juxtaposes the 'new' and the 'old' in our society. Sanjay represents the romantic and the idealist who has steadfastly pursued goals using conservative means. On the other hand, Apurv's life is directionless. He is a modern day skeptic who between the two ways to know love – emotional and carnal - chooses the latter. The three female leads, that of a prostitute, a school girl and a rich model are intricately used not only as love interests of our heroes but also to have the viewers chart a range of emotions. This film uses a rich ensemble of characters, stories and themes to aptly reflect the mood of urban India.

Apurv has just started his college life in Delhi. To avoid the harsh hostel ragging, he spends a few nights in the city's red-light area. Here, he is introduced to Vaisali, an attractive but sharp-tongued prostitute. Apurv joins the hostel residents in a grand yet eerie celebration of the final day of ragging. He is introduced to the hostel's band-of-boys: Sanjay, a popular presidential candidate in the upcoming college elections, Sonu, an energetic loafer and a Sanjay loyalist, Deepak a visually-impaired hosteller with homosexual leanings, and Mark, an indophile American.

Apurv, more relaxed now, begins to discover life in the hostel, college and neighbourhood. However, lectures in the college have little exciting to offer. He remains bored and pensive, and looks for a challenge that could make his life more exciting and meaningful. In the neighbourhood Apurv meets a school-going girl, Kintu whom he wants to befriend while she coquettishly remains noncommittal. He also continues his visits to Vaisali at the kotha. Apurv's major preoccupation is trying to find women he can love.

In the background, rages the politics of college election complete with student gang wars and Sanjay's maneuvers for the presidential slot. Here enters Prerna Heerjawahar: a hot and rich girl with beauty crown aspirations. Sanjay's charismatic performance in a loud street fight ensures Prerna's fascination for Sanjay. Soon the ambitious duo becomes the odd pair on the campus.

Meanwhile, Apurv has made a limited headway with Kintu – she will allow him to come along for a movie, share a cigarette and an odd kiss. Kintu's ex-boyfriend, Rajesh finds this unpalatable and beats Apurv up. Sanjay's gang avenges this. The same evening, Rajesh is dragged out of his house and brutally pulverized. Apurv can now deal with the 16-year old Kintu at peace. However, Kintu's mother with middle-class values intact ensures that the progress remains slow. Apurv's other interest, Vaisali has proven to be more than a handful. She remains brazen and offensive. Apurv decides to try seducing her into submission – taking it as a sign for a prostitute falling in love.

At a party (-turned-orgy) at Prerna's farmhouse, Apurv hits off with a new girl. The smooth seduction makes Sanjay admire the easy charm Apurv has with girls. The next day, sitting in an old monument, Sanjay challenges him, if he can have sex with 2 women on a single day. The quiet of the place and his own confidence prompts Apurv to say, "Yes, I can". Sanjay throws another bait, "Can you do 3 women in a day?" Apurv answers in negative, but now he has finally got a challenge he wants to live up to. The task carries both a visceral and a symbolic meaning for him. Apurv spends the rest of the film pursuing this goal. For Sanjay, the race for the college elections too has heated up. He is the top seeded candidate but has got two popular and powerful rivals to beat. The film now moves towards a volatile climax. For all the indulgence and decadence that Apurv thinks he can afford, someone now needs to pay a price.

Love Story explores the very nature of friendship, male bonding, voyeurism, sexual perversion and love. This original screenplay full with realism and black humour shows the coming of age of not only a young man but also the social codes & mores of Delhi.

you now understand that i am Mark. Mark....well i dont know a whole lot about him but i do know this.

He's Perceived to be a Pimp by indian societal Standards...that is to say he always has a girlfriend. he starts the movie with one. and everyone thinks my GF is "easy" because shes dating me/im dating her. indian men think white women are sluts and put out. thus you can see the connection to a indian women who dates a white man.

well she dumps me because i hit on her aya (spelling--House maid) then i get a new one. well i have some lines but i havent looked at them. in the business you dont memorize lines before hand. you memorize them the day of or the scene of.

i'll be shooting for 13 days starting may 13 in Dehli at one of the university's.

I also will be in an Implied Sex Scene. and a scene where my GF kisses my naked shoulder and says i love you. i also asked to make sure that i would not be in any gay scenes. he said the deepek wont be kissing me. GOOD. though i wont be kissing any women either. thats still taboo in films.
but this film is pushing india's society this is not bollywood its low-budget and independent.

Ill enjoy it bundles

My ipod has broke. im trying to fix it right now. but it looks like i have to reformat it and lose ALL my music. fuckles. oh shitty shits
sighs yesterday-today im okay with it, cus theres no other way to be.


Yes adding something now april 20. like dude I figured out what Yawns are. for like the last 4 years i've been yawing at wierd times, times when i an consioucs or accept somehting or do somthing i dont want to do. i've never been able to really peice together the meaning of it all. and i've been anaylizeing it for like 4 years. but i was drinking with my indian friend in andari, mumbai the other day (before i left) we were riding home in the rickshaw with women in the middle (not important) and i YAWNED. then it hit me. the realization of a yawn is this. Yawning is silence. Im gonna do some research into it. but i've noticed this for awhile and put it together. everything becomes quiet when you yawn. your mind dissapears cant think extraneaous thoughts(harder too), your hearing is limited quite substantially. bassically all your senses are dampered. and you kinda like freeze, your not breathing either. so yawning is silence. a connection with our divine creator. a connection to your soul, so beautiful it talks to you too. in the morning i took it a step further and compared yawning with Samahdi (the Breatheless state of meditation). totally cool yeah. yeah. im sexing northwards....hahahaha -end addition

aaah no-yes...its completly FUCKED. I cant even reformat it. aarhhh

take care my cool cats,

meow and food