To the Dearest of Infinity

Oh Ho HO! Rum to go round and brush you all with hoes.

hehe

Where AM I? Physically....Lakeside, Arizona.
Who Am I? Blah BlaH


alrighty so... ive been hanging back here in pinetop for the past couple weeks i returned to the states on oct 12, 2006. phoenix oct 13, 2006.

i was kicked out of osho circle school on about oct 10th. thank you osho circle school. :) Smiles and Love all around.



Aboda Aboda I Love you Aboda!


One of the Funnest days i had in Italy, Completely Naked Running Around.. away from all eyes and all knowledge of Osho Circle School. (pool Area)

I returned to England after a stop in France where i Did what?
Missions in Paris:

Find and consume the worlds Best Chocolate Eclair, Crossaint.

Snuggle with the Eiffel Tower.

Find Bottle of Absinthe to snuggle muggle into the US OF A.

Note: For intent of Entertainment A bottle of Absinthe only paraded itself into this country, any actual entry is unlawful, and little bottles of abstinthe stay in their proper places of residence when with lawful owners. the owner\writer of this blog has no knoweledge of any person(s) that have commited the following unlawful activities:
Smuggled abstinthe into the USA
Smuggled Cuban Cigar(s) into the USA
Smuggled Prostitutes into the USA

further more i wish to thank Transatlantic Intl. for frying me one solid pound of BEEFCAKE.
The Globe Shakespeare, London




Big Ben, Parliment, and one cool peaced out hippie, who lives on the street.

Show you some difference between America and Europe. Note: Surgeon Generals Warning:...blah blah blah


Bye Bye Island!

Hello America! AMERICA FUCK YEAH!

upon rentry into the states i took my time and went to staton island on the ferry at night. then i went back to manhatten on the next ferry. therefore i passed the statute of liberty twice!

i was feeling a little tired...so the other activites and sight are not of invested energy to mention. i went back to the airport.

i slept...a bit
woke up alot....to a bit.
smiled a bit
wrote a poem...not a bit.

okay so i didnt do a bit
then i flew to phoenix and was picked up by some good friends who were like wow dude way to fly.okay skip a bit..

Eden Hot Springs: Location 33rd Parallel, Arizona

just returned from a 5 day retreatt...not recharge down in southern az. a place called eden hot springs. in the desert, on the reservation. empty silent and full of love and power. with a 100+ people all fasting on raw liquids for 5 days. this was a raw food recharge with the best food (healthy, organic, nutritious..completly tasty and uncooked (you kill about 90% of the good stuff when you cook food)

it was a pretty damn sweet deal
what did we do?
swim in the hot spring pools (where the rolling stones once swam and owned)
firewalked
Sweatlodged on native american land.
nature walked
nature talked
naked naked naked
halloween dance party



talked about the latest and greatest of health food and the base of what the "philosophers stone" sound interesting? talk to me personally. some really cool stuff going on. example. who knows that if you combine 2 part hyrdogen and one part oxygen together in a labratory, you receive a liquid but its not water! H2O ISNT NOT WATER. THESE ELEMENTS ALONE DO NOT PRODUCE WATER. the liquid concieved is actually hazardous to your health. yet no one lets us know about this nifty detail which changes everything. it upsets the entire system. people dont like to be up-set with new ideas, especially when their ideas will are proved false.

there is a missing ingredient that exists in all water. a new element, that we havent been able to see before (in the western world) because we dont know what to look for and frankly people dont want to. though it has been known before. it was forgotton, it has been rediscovered now. Ormus is the name named by david hudson. Manna is another name, so is Pranna. the egyptions called it Ormuz.

it exists everywhere. this pranna is in you right now. but we have been eating consuming producing less of it with all the crap we do to our bodies, genetically modified, nutrition deficent foods, liquids, ways of life.

so i learned alot of cool stuff, and left with a deeper experience of god and love, and truth and joy and that bag of crap....OMG did i just call god a bag of crap...NOOOOOOO! weegooo. shoe

well understand understand. pretty cool stuff is going on. that blog i wrote about being enlightened. well fuck...im still enlightened. though the exact term i havent defined yet. because some people are like well conscious, awareness, enligthenment, a buddha is all something close but differnt. like differnt levels. anywho my level of consciousness increased. if im not yet enlightened im damn close. but i am a buddha, and i am aware. and i pluged in yesterday. a friend told me colin you got it up here (energy going up and out) now you need to plug it in. PLUG IT IN (energy down) recieve mother earth in her bounty, connect with the mother. and i was like holy shit. shes right. plug it in. and then...i started breathing. breathing through my heart. LIVING IN MY HEART, no longer my mind, i learned how to do it by experiencing it. it all started with breathe. i no direct the energy my breathe gives me to my heart and less to my head. and its become so much easier when i started yesterday then in the past when i would try and my mind would struggle with it. now my mind comes down and takes its directives from the heart. their is a differnt you can live in your mind and you can live in your heart. both are always active, the mind is thinking, and the heart is feeling whether you feel it or not
any way i have some, and i know how to extract it to. subtleenergies.com

I WALKED over RED HOT BURNING COALS. wow dude say WOW COLIN yes yes yes SAY OMG
and look at cool photo

Yea So Imagine that Red FRESH and HOT HOT HOT!. actually it was mesquite wood which is among the hottest burning woods

Now you see my foot. at the step over the center of the walk i felt this on my foot. i could feel this sensation that was like burning....it was so soft. i didnt react. itwa so cool. i contuned walking, at my pace, didnt change due to this feeling. just kept walking, like i wanted to. and i walked away after, only did i feel pain pain when i put my feet in th HOT springs afterwards. yea this burned alot when i did that. but the fire...no walking on god.


Well Its all good. Still Here in Pinetop. I might be gone by the end of the month. a community named Tree of Life is looking for a computer guy, and this place seems pretty cool, i hear good things. www.treeoflife.nu check it out. I will be living here, if i like it, vibe with it. going over thanksgiving to do just this with papa.

Hope your all well Feel free to give me a call. (928)367-3191 If your out of country give me a call your even cooler. Enjoy Peace and love you silly Hippies.


Whooop Da He Is.

Who AM I? HOW DO I FIND...

Location of Da' Sex Palace? Watford, England


i want to move up, and the world just wants to pull me down.
(whether this is fact or not, this is what i see, what i feel)
what do i do?

Let go.

A friend said I AM walking a dangerous line.

She said not to disconnect from people.

She said not to seperate myself from everything.

I told her i Trust myself.

Dont we let go, in faith that, we will return.

Must i let go of people completly, in order to return TOTALLY?

is this dilusion or being?

She said I AM missing compassion.

I do not deny this, i accept this.

afterwards:

I was struck with my fear.

what am i doing?

all these new actions. all these people I AM, AM I?, hurting.

they wont tell me I AM Wrong, But i feel their(??) resistencem, i feel them. Pulling me down.

What AM i Doing?

The difference to Be and To DO.

A book i read, had a powerful statement:

"hitler went to heaven, when you understand this you will understand god."

The Way I AM Living, Being. creates no conflict with this statement.

The Way I AM Living, Being: Creates Conflict with every religion, person, soceity, morality, I have ever know, experience and felt.

Am I The conflict Or are you? Is it society which conflicts with me, or me with society?

Is it Societies Conflict, and I am Attatching to it, Accepting it?

So jesus and the great beings in our worlds knowledge held up the weight of the world.
I Want to Let go of it. I AM Letting go of it.

I know one thing: I can under stand (Stand under) the weight of myself. I Can hold up my own weight.
This is What I AM Doing. I Must Hold up myself Tottally, eternally, before I Am to hold up the weight of the world.

I must drop the mug with no worry, no concern of what may happen to it. before I Am to pick it back up.

I let Go of the Mug. The Mug broke! Remember? and when i was ready (when i was NOW) I picked it back up?

I picked up something different. It was no longer a Mug.

Did the Mug break, or did I break It? Does it matter?

My way of being. I will keep dropping the Mug. I may or may not Always pick it up again.

But eventually and NOW quicker than ever before i will drop it and catch it before it breaks --> before it falls --> i wont drop it.

But i Must drop it first.

To all those I have hurt, and to all those i will hurt. whether it be I hurt you, or you Hurt by me, matters not.

I give you one garauntee, In those moments I Am not hurting, i will be loving.

I will be loving TOTALLY.
I WILL BE HURTING TOTTALY.

It may be 90 moments of hurting and 10 moments of Loving.

But the quantity will not matter to me anymore. they will be equal in my eye.

i will be TOTAL. and i will be equal, will be Balance. and Harmony once i reach the sea.

I AM DROPPING ALL RULES, ALL REGULATIONS, ALL BOXES, LINES and PRISONS for the mind for me.

I AM UNCONDITIONAL.

AND I AM CREATING NEW RULES--NEW WAYS OF BEING every moment.

AND I WILL LIVE BY THESE, and i WILL change these...EVERY MOMENT.

I AM Letting go of everything society has shoved down my throaght, of everything i have accepted is society.

AND I AM LEARNING IT ALL AGAIN.

I will Learn what I AM, WHO I AM.

And i will start by doing WHAT I WANT! Becoming what I AM.

I have not done it totally before. and thus i never learned before. i only conditioned learning.

Now i will do it, Tottally. If it is done tottally it needs only to be done once, to realize, to experience.

If it is done tottaly, you may not even have to Drop the Mug. For i will have been TOTAL in my thought about it.

Now will change into Now New into New (er).

With our without your help. with or without me.

I will Change with it. THIS IS WHAT I WANT.

I may have to leave society, leave men, to let go of myself, to express myself unconditionally without attracting other peoples anger, dis-approval.

I want to be Naked. Once i decide I REALLY WANT THIS. i will Leave you to do it. because you are all fuckholes who prohibit me from my joys.

And I AM a fuckhole.

I dont wanto fuck you.

I dont want to let you fuck me. and because my methods are being refined. I may fuck you first.

And i will do it Totaly. and you will not understand. because you would have never fucked me tottaly.

I dont care if you are scared. I AM scared too.

I will be(accept, totality) Scared until I AM scared no more.

and I will be Scared with you OR without you. i will not change for you.

I will leave and learn by myself if i must.

But i want to learn withyou. IT IS SO MUCH EASIER TO LEARN WITH YOU.

I am done trying to learn to be with you. I am with you or i am not.

It is or it is not.

I would love to be with you totally. i will learn much faster.

Ultimatly i know what i need to do to learn. I AM.

it is not controlling MY mind, for my mind has been controlling me.

And there will be a time when i have TOTAL control of my mind. BUT THAT IS NOT NOW.

NOW I HAVE TOTAL AWARENESS OF MYSELF (of everything it may be..i know not)

SO NOW I WILL WATCH MYSELF TOTALLY, UNTIL I KNOW MYSELF TOTTALY, Until i experience myself TOTTALY

Then i will have mastery over the mind. Then i can control it.

Move in and out of Existence, Out of Harmony. and i will begin simply to move.

Moving seamlessly, Harmoniously. i will Move without having to leave. without having to drop the mug.

for i know dropping the mug creates conflict. but i have not yet experienced that conflict.

I WANT I NEED TO EXPERIENCE THIS CONFLICT SO I CAN MOVE PAST IT. TOTALLY

THAT MEANS FOR ONCE AND FOR ALL. I WILL MOVE PAST IT NOW AND NOW WILL BE FOR EVER ETERNAL INFINITE.

HELLO GOODBYE

GOOD BYE HELLO

EXISTENCE EXISTS

I Will drop the mug
I WILL break the mug (or let the mug break, whichever way YOU want to see it)
I will pickup the mug Or not
I will dance with the mug
I will become THE MUG
I AM THE MUG...But i must drop it first.


Thank you and God Help me.
Thank you God. Thank you.
Be Home soon.

The Scuffles of Enlightenment

Location of Da' Sex Palace? Osho Circle School.


something interesting. its very hard, deciding to live the way you want to be. choosing to live to be yourself, and feel the wieght of the world, of society, of friends and families press down upon you. it makes you want to doubt what your doing, who your being. it makes you cry.

its very hard to have a life and be with other people. its even harder to be with other people when they wont tell you what they want.

and its interesting to reflect on these things. the way i see it, which means so little. i am being asked not to be me, yet being told not to change me. its interesting to notice that they way i am being, leaves me with lesser to no worry, guilt, shame. and what they are telling of me, to not be, would place me back in the mind set i had weeks ago and my whole life previous, a life of worry, of guilt of shame: did i hurt their feelings? am i pissing them off? should i stop singing, then as i would find out, i would attatch, i would feel guilty for not stopping sooner, for pissing them off so much, that it was all really my fault. and if they never said anything (they were never upset or bothered by me) i would have spent so much energy so much stress on the thoughts that question what i was doing over and over and over again until it was over. what was i left with. pain, misery, un happiness. all that worry became so strong, piled up so much that i couldnt enjoy being me, i didnt know how to live, to be alive to be happy. the worst was the thought "you could solve all this by just asking them" and i would worry even more about that. i would begin to worry about worry. i wont i ask them, why are you so cowardly, so shy, thats so stupid that you cant be honest with them. which accomplished no self denial, accomplished me being me and telling me i was bad for it.

and i become stuck questioning it all, going over it over and over. this is what i used to do my whole life, hours upon hours days upon days years... until, i realized (those past couple weeks sept 23, that the mind can never solve this question. the awnser: "i dont know" is honest and true. that is the minds awnser(, and it can circle around the same facts and come up with the same awnser, though it hopes to find something new, sometimes it does, but so much stress was caused.) and the mind hates not knowing, even more it hates admiting it doesnt know.it doesnt know and never will until? until i act, until i make a choice and find out through experience (not hypothesis or conjucture, or debate, or logics, or conception etc).

and know i acccept that its okay not to know, that its so SO SO NORMAL ive accepted i have to be to find out. that i cant live in my head asking questions. and do you know what i find. i find now i am happy, but the people i have relations with are not (maybe not all of them, and some have been healed greatly because they accepted this as me) happy, they are discontented and irritated by me. and i look at this and i look at my past, other people were happy, and i was not (or were they even happy?) i know other people werent as irritated by me.

so this is what i see:
Now: I Am happy, they are not. I am being me, being, experiencing.
Before: i wasnt happy (sometimes yes but not nearly as much), i wasnt honest with myself, i was being but trying to not be. they are being them, whether they were happy probly not cus they were probly doing the same thing i was questioning spending so much energy on debating in ones head to tell this guy hes bothering me, or he took me seat and doesnt realize. should i say or not?

but now im forcing people to speak, to come out of that shell of the mind, and they dont like it. i am being told to stop because we dont want to tell you what we want, that we dont like what your doing. i am being told to spare people this trouble.

and im trying to find a solution, how to spare people this trouble without sparing me, without ceaseing to be me and do what i want. the obvious awnser is to be me to what i want somewhere else. (which makes sense, one person wants to cry the other wants to run around they prolly be better off in differnt rooms)

so do i leave this place this osho commune in italy, because they cant deal with me, and they refuse to tell me what they want me to deal. they will tell me they dont like what i am doing but tell me when i ask them: "no, i am not asking you to change."


this really reminds me of ann rand (eer spelling) author of the fountain head "fountain head" the situation reminds me of the "dependents" the "non thinkers" who critize the other group for being them, but refuse to force them to change, refuse to say it, just keep critizing and by woo by breaking them down have them change theirselves to become like them.

specifcially the court room scene in atlas shrugged, where hank rearden is being asked to give his steel to the government, they keep asking and asking, trying everyway through non force, non will non commitence, and he keeps saying "NO" and then he says if you want my steel, my product you will have to forcibly take it, cease it steal it, because i wont give it to you. and the court room people gasp, the judge says mr rearden no no no we wouldnt never do that, we dont want that, he says this recoiling from fear. and later they black mail him to give the government his steel. they threaten to leak information about a women hes in love with, an affair, and he gives them what they want because he doesnt want i hurt her. and so HE "willingly" gives his steel.

interesting,

well we shall see what happens. ps im gonna post this letter on my blog. its that good! :)