Inside Bollywood: Cancerous Sores, Kavyanjali and one Monkeys Ass

Welcome to The first Declared edition of "Inside Bollywood", By your White Gypsy Guru Colin McLeod!

Rice

Tilda. Yes i Love Tilda, I've loved her since birth. She straddled me in my cradle and kept me warm at night. i used to play with Tilda in the Bath, until Tilda ruined all the Pipes and made mommies pipes burst. Tilda is my Rice. I Buy Tilda in England(but available in america too!). Tilda is in a fancy Bag, has a fancy zipper, says Tilda is great and You should Cook With Tilda.

One day, My beloved Tilda Creators acknowledging that i truly had a deep affection for tilda tossed me into a super Market named Spar in India (but also in Europe). --Tilda is not concerned with The name Spar..Tilda is and always will be concerned with her little grainy self. its okay because we LOVE Tilda.--Tilda's Creators instructed me in my divine love for Tilda to Shop in the background while Tilda's Fame grew even larger on the Great Eye and stimulus projector.

I was a content little Asian....Until Some Tilda Loving Impostor invaded my Tilda's personal Space. the Guy was full of Pomp and that girl just couldn't honestly Love Tilda they she needed to be loved (thus it took like 1 hour to shoot her 15 second scene), so they made her pretend to love it but she couldn't even do that.

So what did i do?
Yes! ask it right now before continuing to read on. ? I was pushing my cart walking up the isle, slowly encroaching upon Tilda and The Impostor Rice Lover Females Backside. There's lots of Food in supermarkets! Lots of Rice! More rice than your average supermarket: ASIA! I Grabbed me up some of that Rice (Not Tilda), It was Tilda's Rival, Which is every Farmer and Cook and Breed and Atom not related to Tilda in the cosmos, and Lovingly Placed my New Rice in THE SHOPPING CART! MUHAHAHA. Little do they suspect that Behind Tilda's back and Impostor, lies a Bag of RICE In A CART, Slowly but aggresivly encroaching upon Tilda's Fame.

Now For you Hungry Asians in England, You Can Help me Out. Sometime on a TV Near you In England Only, lies a commercial Named Tilda, for White Rice. You can tune in Day and night Until the Glorious Day that you see me in my Pink Shirt Casually perusing the Isles in search of Rice, and Charging the Hill (with my new rice)in my Yellow Shirt and Cart, Attacking the Tilda. This may be in two weeks, maybe a month.
I'm Not entirely Sure.

INGRAIN this name in your brain, to stimulate refreshed and obedient determined concentration and observation upon the outside entity that utters the word: TILDA!

Then you can see me!

Sugar Rice With Monkey Sauce

Additionally, and Incidentally i wasn't playing Contumacious Guru the Whole night, Only twenty min. The time was spent from 8pm to 6am, not sleeping, but prancing about in a supermarket with 3 other white people, Jon From Canada, and two women from Sweden. The Women Named Nikki, began Flexing her control upon me by calling me monkey and slapping my ass all night long! follows also and warm soft and still intense affection upon the back, arms, hands, fingers. Good healthy Flirting, and body sensuality. ---A MASSAGE!

Of Course: We were in constant advisement by peering eyes, being on a set has that drawback, but no attention we paid, eyes shut just holding each other cuddling. aaaw how cute! well it was going well, until it went great! We, are passing each other in set on set, on camera, over and over as shes shopping and so am i. Eventually......................................

bre ak


time comes along. she desires to inform me of the 4 types of orgasms. that went something like this: The Negative, The Positive, The (I Forget) and The Fake. Yes i know that was anti-climactic, but in real life not only did every blood vessel in me surge, my voice begain in harmonious pursuit of hers, (until the fake, cus baby there was no faking that energy)followed by the Pricked ears and Increased blood flow of the Dozen or so Indian Males sitting around with nothing else to do, eyes suddenly popping to meet our direction.

Hmmm....There was no discretion in her voice, i was her backup ensemble, she said she couldn't have done it without me. hehe. Little miss 29yr old Nikki Kept asking to spank her "monkey" (aka ME) all night long The monkey was enthralled by this new designation and his ass was only partially sore. Incidentally not from her slapping but from uncomfortable chairs, taxi rides, steps, toiled seats, floors, counters, shelves, upside down trash cans and more.

Coughs. Excuse me, what did i say about being on set the whole time? Well we were on set the whole time, though our Coordinator (guy the comes scouting for us and brings us to set and home) did offer repeatedly to fancy the backrooms as they were away from peering eyes. We responded as such that it was completely and utterable unnecessary and the sexually repressed people of the world should be excluded no longer from affection. That's not to say we wanted to massage their backs too...

Well the Women went home to sweden the Following morning, But that Morning we all went back to their place (that is me and John--whose a really good friend from the past couple weeks) slapped around one of the jumbo size balloons guys are always trying to sell on the streets then joined hands in circle formation to meditate standing up for along ass time. mind you at this point we hadn't slept for 24 hours. yess good. The mind is dead, the Ego is Struggling in in a final fatal Futality and our energy is radiating happy Bliss. Then we collapsed to the floor, they collapsed first, i went lotus and continued, but retreated to laying on my back head straight on the hard tiled floor when i found myself and waking up falling to the ground. VERY ALARMING!

Then we woke at like noon, they decided they were sick of prossers and wanted luxury for their last night. Jon and I, are fond of prossers as its the nicest room in colaba for 600 and its massive.(several occasions we have tried to escape the bed bug ridden infectious salvation army for the spacious white hygene of prossers, no avail) BIG BIG ROOMS. so they were like To THE TAJ!

We escorted their bags to the Taj (and upstairs, where was the fucking Bellboy!!!) to their rooms, then we hung in their rooms and awked at the splendor. yea it was nice. not spacious, had bad room design, so not fung shui or anything vibing shanti. just cramped with stuff ostentatiously. i expected better for the famous Taj! i really did, i wasn't all that impressed. any who it was cool. yea so we left, they stayed. i saw em later that night, for a bit helped them haggle for some stuff. got Nikki's contact and that be it. Yea!


But that's not It for Colin- The Bollywood Porn Star.

Porn: a Candorously cancerous expression of Maternal Desires to Excrete energy from a base level, forming in the minds of fictitious reality bound upon the bonds of 'A Far seeing Portal of Electromagnetic waves' converted to a sense we Primal Creatures can Comprehend as: Sight and Sound, The End gain being: To Produce nipple numbing pleasure.....

....But i only asked her to Dance! and that Married Women was so bleakly Arctic, a Polar Bear could run over her neck with dry ice and she would turn around to remark a Shrew with a Cold. That women didn't give as much as a wink of sincere scorn nor adulation. This all transpired in front of her Husband, She got a barrage of obscene verbal artillery afterwards, let me tell you.

Let me Also tell you How the Dialogue went:

Jai: So, You like they Party?
John Fernando (me): Yeah its great, But i don't know some many people here.
Jai: Aw don't worry man, heh, wait. "Bleak Bitch" come over here.
"Bleak Bitch": Yes Jai?
Jai: "Bleak Bitch":(In Hindi) I would like you to meet John. John (in English) Meet my wife, "Bleak Bitch".
John: Nice to meet you. (it was 'hello, how are you?' but the bleak bitch had to have it changed for the close up shot)
"Bleak Bitch": Thank you (insincere Shaky fraudulent piece of unwholesome stinky stucky cheese! WOMEN!)
John: May i Dance with you? Extends hand in a congenial manner.
"Bleak Bitch": I'm Sorry (lieing again you Artic cheese), I Can't.

Bleak Bitch walks off, accompanied by shocked confusion from John.

John (aside to Jai): What Happened to her?
Jai: Excuse me yada yada... wife's a bitch yea i know...
END SCENE WITH JOHN!

Any who Jai's a really cool guy, though i forgot his real name, he's the younger brother on this kinda like Soap Opera TV Show about a big rich family, with a great Grandma, Uncles, Bros Sista's Moms and Paps. My friend is 23, the women who plays his mom is 26...heh hehe GNORT. The Show is named Kavyanjali. For More Information please visit: http://starplus.indya.com/serials/kkavyanjali/index.html

I Watched This Show Shortly after the Publishing of this Blog last night, and Recorded my Appearance with my Digital Camera from the TV. My part aired April 28, 2006 and was filmed April 27. Im gonna find out about this show tonight, available to my discretion every week day night on star plus at 9:30pm. My part airs tonight or tomorrow. this was filmed yesterday. They say they'll call me back for an encore(well that's my word, MUHAHAHA) ---no im scripted in to re-appear...so they say.

Well thats all for this Edition of Hanky Pants.

In one last Developing Charade: Watch Colin's Debut on Kavyanjali http://video.google.com/videosearch?q=colin+mcleod+Bollywood - It will take an additional day(or less) before it's published and viewable.

Colin McLeod Can successfully and pleasureable make these animal sounds:

Cow
Dog
Cat
Pigeon
Monkey***
Turkey
Horse
Rooster (still working on this one)
I suspect, theres one more, but i forgot it.