Kuwatian Banks & Soap Operas

If Hindu gods have four legs where do they keep their anus, or do they have multiple anuses, and if they have multiple anuses how is food distributed within their system? Okay for starters who has multiple anuses....no no no, do Hindu gots even eat food. like i know bannanas and cocouts are burned, but then they dont need to be digested. i would say they pee alot, as in rain water.
How are you doing man? pretty well
If you had a crush on a girl would you tell her? yes (peevishly spoken to you, like that of a child, cute and innocent)
If you had a crush on a guy would you tell him? no....hmmm, i remark 'tis interesting this remark it is.
Are you going to (copy this blog onto an email and) send this to ten people to get goodluck and guarenteed love 4 ever with the man or woman of your dreams? Im sorry Alex, but i just wont be flying to Kuwait on a rubber airplane, you'll have to find a new starfish.
Good, (precious) good.... --Yes, thats right alex.
BTW, where do you live right now? Mumbai, India; Colaba District, Salvation Army Hostel
Oh in that shitty apartment complex by the gas station where that one guy got shot like two years ago? dude like who got shot? In Burma they sell gas in liter coke bottles stashed in crates in convienence stores.

Woodle Poodle, yea i saw some dogs of a foriegn (from india) flavour today.
But i have to tell you my breakfest of (yesterday 3) four peices of white bread, butter and jam for two, beans and a mini green banana are really something! This is of course courtesy of my hostel the (announcer voice, Christian) SALVATION ARMY!!! well ive stayed here before, nothing remarkable, relatively clean, though people get bit all the time by strange creatures.

So i finally left Thailand.
AirIndia Gave me two free beers and dinner.
The Pre-paid Taxi tried to make me pay 390rs. to get to Colaba from the airport, I complained seeing how the sign behind him said 325, and he said "Service charge", i say :"its says 5 rs for service charge". he says" some X charge", i say "it says 10 rs", he says "okay okay 350 rs." I say but it says 340 (or something near) then he turns to the next guy and helps him, so i give him the money and he gives me my change, and i walk away peeved cus i check my money and notice its all got holes in it. Indian People wont take torn or holes in their money.

Then The next Day, (which was so exciting)

I was an extra (last minute) for a Commercial of an Indian Soap Opera set in London. they dressed us white people up to look like english men, and the buildings are all british archetecture, all warm clothes for winter, though it aint winter here in mumbai, so they shaded the area and sprayed it with a hose. So i walked with my arm around a friend a met awhile ago (as extra's) down a "london street" walking past the star for the soap. apparently, shes english but her father was indian, and she didnt know that, cus her father was a drunkard and left her along time ago. so she starts having visions of India "India calling to her" so she comes to India, meets some people under strange coincedences and discovers shes Indian....Then i sat on a bench holding hands enraptured in stimulating fraternization with another women while the main acctress walks, stops abruptly sees a purple car broken down, a british lady trying to fix it. she walks over (though i didnt see much cus i wasnt allowed to look, cus im supposed to be sucked into this other women--mind you all the extras were like what the fuck, werent you walking with some other women two min ago, "yeah", i replied, but the director told me to have this (swiss) women as my girlfriend.) and puts one of those good luck charms onto the front of the vehicle, thes that are always on cars and trucks, like some hot green little peppers and some yellow thing...yes i should learn. anywho im to assume the car after that was supposed to start, but i know no more as shooting was stopped for the day. they paid me 500rs for like 5 hours of work.
That Night: i was accosted in haste duration multiple times as to do commericals for the following day. well i just wanted to do bollywood (which i havent done yet, and wont this trip to mumbai) but anywho these guys got in an argument as to which one gets me (as in who found and talked to me first) but they have agents and agents spies all over, so in the same hostel two different guys are working for different agents, and i said yes to talking to both of them. anywohoo one of them insulted the others mother, and so began the fists. i was like this is silly. i was like i dont care which of you talked to me first. ima gonna do whats i wants to DO! but they fought anyways. so one commerical for as below, the other was for a face bleach commerical set on an airplane....HEH OOOH!

The Next Day:
I was an extra in a commerical advertising the NBK, National Bank of Kuwait. Set in the Mumbai Cricket stadium(where they just had the england vs india cricket game a week ago), playing football and cheering for the the world cup. So here are the Kuwatian stars (employees of NBK) of the shoot sitting in the middle of the stand, talking a few short lines in Arabic. Something dealing with the game. while we The white extras (four or 5 of us) were positioned in a circle around the kuwati's, the that was just the beggining, the bullseye effect was created when the rest of the extras were indians. so its as set: Kuwatiis, Circle of white people, Indians to make white circle way obvious, and strange. so we cheered and i wore their NBK Jersy and sat around while they yelled at the indians for not standing up when told to. and flipping their signs from white to bluee in sync or at all. the last shot of the day, with the football game and the crowd in one, the indians were all tired from constant crowd shots, and we had a break from the last two. so i had some energy and started doing a really cheer and scream, which they thought just strange. so massive stares and smiles. (Oh yea they had us say Jamila several hundred times, in whisppers and it yells. it means action in arabic. ) so at the end i had like 100 indian guys to shake hands with. They gave us whittys 600rs. so that was my commercial experience. Im going to Pakistan.

...Soon.

A few more things in India before.

Ciao Amgos,
Love and Sex n' Stuff in White- Colin

I Gots the Videos But not the Pictures...yet.

Click Here for the Depository: http://video.google.com/videosearch?q=colin+mcleod
I imagine that they'll keep piling up :)

But for now enjoy:

'Pringles N' Burma' (I Clicked play and it didnt work, so if same for you click to link above and use google directly)

Colin McLeod - The dictation of your hesitation Leads to your Salvation, Awareness Finds Your Face as a brick off a building meets gravity and its firends at the bottom.

The Blog of "who's doing nothing?" Me

Your current Physical Position in The Universe: (Earth of Course, but WHERE):
Can you stick your tounge in view of a live webcam feed to England? Yea but, i dont even know them, its the people siting next to me.

What? Yea that's Old, Dem Thai Chicks.

I Know, for my own good, but im just so--got nothing to do and im doing nothing. well Im in bangkok. i had my 4 wisdom teeth removed and it feels like i got four holes in my mouth, though i keep tounging out the stitches, not that it really matters. and having the occasionally taste of blood is kinda nice, just got suck on my mouth a little bit and i can taste blood. makes my mouth mettalicly fresh. So im taking in EAsssy on account of that, though, it feel its not nessesary...though thats of course how i would feel until i got sick or something with holes in my teeth. yea the doc wanted to give me anti-biotics because im Farang (white), and not a native, i told him i dont like anti-biotics and his like yea its just because your white. so i said okay im not that white and i only took the painkillers. I was hoping for some good ones. Something cool! but all i got was silly Ibprofun, like fushies i've got that in my bag for headaches. aaw! its okay, it does do the job! though theres not much of a job to do. the pain is more of just an annoyance then anything.


Well...Nothing past, not gonna future it. Saw some movies. 'V' was way cool and made me laguh during the fight scenes cus it was so cool that he was kicking the shit out of the government bad guys and i read a interview by natalie portman and it was so great that i i've fallen in love with her. she was all this movies great because it echoes alot of, more subtle, the american government push of fear on its people as a means of control. spoken as her personally belief, i was so happy. i just was like woohooo out loud when the movie was over and clapping. yea i know and hear i get to read stuff like (bush) "India's Best friend" on newspaper headlines. shizzle. i wish i wish i wish. so i walked home and started fantasying about how i could start a revolution of soveirnty in america. like protest YOUR rights. like being able to do what ou want with your own body, and if your body injures someone then you pay the consequences in that order, no laws to beeak cus laws are stupid and a way of controling people that havent done anything wrong. its moe fear. aah


ciao ciao, mabye ill go beach for a couple days after stiches are removed on monday. then go back to india on my booked reservation for the 24th.

Colin The Happy body filled with gelatin flavored Aspartin-free drug lacing for green coke. ( i read that coca-cola was originally green colored!)

Not fair to clare Burmas the place of lovely grace

OOOH NO YOU DONT, you fratulent turd pie.

Yo, so this is the story about a man who useda worry about the birds and the bees and their allusive similies. I found my way on a bus one day heading forward to lets say, though the place in quesiton begets to lesten the importance of my ride. i found myself complexed to the depth of a sugar coated lollypop on a summers moon ride. this is to say i found my way to the gates of hell incarnate. pardon my ascension i have past the retention and skiped the blocks of time away.a long ride to, many astop we did do, looking forward to. stopping at last with glass in my ass, i had time to blow and nowhere to show, went to a performance, seeing the young girls dance singing sweet songs in thai, their parents a-wathcing with fervent adoration, i myself, finding it slow, as seen before thrice or twice, this time around the massage was for me, so me and my mate from israel sat ourselves down to elongate, time past well, our feet on the shelf, two hands giving their best for the test. she passed the test i must rest, so walking back to slumber...

In the morning we went to end our silly way, renewing our stays and the like. but i decided to stay on the other side of this way, leaving me in foriegn lands. north and west of thai lies a land too spry in actions to control, the lives of so many live under fear from the devils incarnate. the government it is controling all that is. they i blame, made me: stopped some more, each at every door leaving the copies of my life on paper at their door, stamps to aprove but 14 times rubbs on peoples minds as both parties felt the time, slowly we and even they wished it would not come to this, but their just doing what their told.

theres also a place across the line, a cave underground stretches its way hidden to all, leading up to the otherside, thats right the rumored cave, like the underground railroad, may people died, no light it seems and no clear path to be. but its locked and sealed from all revealed but i found and saw the gate.

I made it at last finding no glass, many smiles to decorate, the faces of joy lighting up by my plot of being white in dark places. i couldnt help it i swear, but i was there, no matter where you couldnt bear to look up this place from geographics of our race. south and east to an alarming degree lied the town i lay. norther to that Mong lar--its a fact, run by the people of the republic of CHINA, though on burmease soil. yes i say, i must comment today, the town is all chinease, not friendly they are so i must bar the windows outside from their silly rhymes. the town it was, dead as a dove, dropped from heavns and changed into dust. the casinos had closed, forced from above as wars and conflicts immerge and diverge--and plain and simple i didnt get it, some people are stupid, anyway the town need be saved so prostituion ran rampant. well it must tell this place is for them, as chinease arrive daily, by air, they fly, landing to whore for cheap on the yuan. my hotel was nice, cheap and close to the price. but the hotel it was housed by whores leaving cards under my door. fine i say a collection for today, and tommarow i show the world, but its all in chinease and i could sneeze and they wouldnt even face me. they ignore me so well like i cant even spell. though its true i dont speak like them, not willing to teach i just had to preach in my own tougne and get by without rum.

i left soon later, trucking through mountains arriving back to kyain kychung, but the ride was fun, i didnt lose my thumb, but had they braked i would spread upon and rub, the surface that lasts close to ass-fault noone to blame, and no belt to contain had i been projected i would die. fun it was riding front seat on the truck roof it was i who found it snug as a rug being used as a plug.

I did a mountain village trek too, and found some brown necks, they were very shy, they wouldnt even cry had i pulled on their tub and rubed. i showed them my sack of hackys to hack. they would touch it but not with their feet. thats the point i said here i show you instead and watched curiosity rumble. still they would not kick this soft rock and juggle with the limbs of the ground. okay it was they invited us down, upon the ground in their hut, the ground was lined with bamboo mats to make it pretty and soft---it was. they gave us some tea and we passed out some candy, i thought it was silly, but it was our guide who acccomplished this task that made me ask what about the their teeth. they dont brush he said and i left i that that, hes comes often and gives much of that sweet substance, a nice guide he was, i thank him well done weird man a good trek/hike, well and hot..


So that was my trip to burma in a bag, but i warn to all who read, this bag as wholes as big as your nose and im not sorry i tried litle repair. for as all is dear when your over here, and less of a care for you over there, not too diss but this is how it is.

oooh there was a hot spring their that smelled of chickens spoiled spawned shells. Sulfur it would be hot as can be a good bath for me, as you must see:


W ait Wait Wait, i can Elongate not on past, but present and last.

so i had to leave and got food poisioning, that order it would seem. back to chang mai, arrived in bangkok smoked with a bang. the tire blew and too all that knew we changed and were on our way.

Bangkoks a bang, for those who stay sane, the others just live in the bang. went to a caberat(spelling) they opened with a song from Moulin Rouge way totally cool. there was also a fat chick and her boob popped out, though it think it was staged. they danced and lipped too songs that were hip, like usher and madonna, dressing like them, good look-a-likes they were. funny song skits in between. HAHA a scream! a free beer too. hmm that'll do, everything ryhmes with jew, except you! pfft im done, gonna find some sun, a couple hours more and teeth'll be pulled leaving gaps abold, some extra room to grow wweeeeeheee what a show.

pictures in a few i promised the jew....and a mormon to be factual.

Supposing The Release of Turkish Invaders

What's better than having your colon caffeinated?
Having a 24 year old beautiful Thai nurse do it for you!

If this titillates your being in any manner, shape or form please read on.

It was a long haul down the dusty roads of Chang Mai, escaping this devils paradise was like ridding a 8foot bunny rabbit through a thunderstorm of wildcats and dogs. those rabbits are expensive for my tastes, and though my haggling skills are either bad or these rabbits don't haggle, i managed to secure my escape in luxury of cold air and western? music. yes, yes, yes. it wasn't long before i wonder what could have possible possessed this driver to illuminate his beautiful shabby van with TV's and western music. The awnser : Money. --well that's another story for not this blog...there's a few like that. From now on Blog writer, mediator, and censor, Colin McLeod will hereby dub any stories/paragraphs/sentences/words, experiences, philosophies, ideologies, theologies, ideas, sounds, pictures, feelings, expressively but not limited to, not fit for all general audiences with DRAAPLE!

Down the road again...I arrived at my unknown to me auspicious destination, with its palm trees, swimming pools, golf carts, porters, welcomers', fan fare, grass and MY--as ADVERTISED-- welcome tea.
(It was good welcome tea too!)

They sat me down holding my hand the entire way through the arduous and scary process of passports and paperwork. when that was done i met the golf cart and the porter. he was a good porter, so responsible in the art of carrying my luggage, which i resisted at first, fearing to break his small Thai back with my monstrous bag of goods for my back and my unaccustomness to people carrying my LIFE on THEIR backs for services which i did not expressively communicate for.

After arriving in my 3 Star Fan room, eyeing the porter suspiciously for causes u--DRAPPLE-he left, i immediately begin my search n' snoop n' discover 'n goodies for which I've paid*.
Here is what i Found:

• 6 flavors of teas as follows
  
• 6 Petite oranges that could have passed through somebodies colon...whole. Though they were tasty.
  
• Two bottles of packaged purified non-ozonized, non reverse-osmosisized water.
  
• One pitcher of water (Not SEALED).
  
• Two Glasses for drinking Nam daintily wrapped in some type of foreign tissue paper.
  
• One Electric Tea Pot.
  
• Two Beds, each fit with one Neck pillow, decorative pillow (green and violet), and sleeping pillow.
  
• One Balcony over looking some grass, then a moat, then lined to above the sky with trees which thus protected my eyes from more green grass and fields in far away places.
  
• A shower Curtain.
  
• One Personal size (Wash's 5-6 showers uses) bar of Jasmine soap, used at my discretion for washing the body, and one personal size bar of Rosemary soap, used soley the clensing of my hands.
  
• Two personal size plastic bottles of shampoo fragrance X and two personal size plastic bottles of...something.
  
• 6 Q-Tips
  
• 2 Shower Caps.
  

For the shower caps, Q-Tips, Shampoo's, Somethings and teas were all confiscated by Myself, Colin McLeod upon departure 3 days, 2 nights later.

Then 'DRAPPLE'S of the 10th Degree' (Note levels of the Drapple are permitted, because: to produce aesthetically or superficial suspense not acquired through matters of rectitude, meaning purely promiscuous--or is it precarious?..yes it is, the latter.) My spidy sense began tingling: Intrusions are imminent....moments latter...A knock at the door. Door Answered. AHHAA! INTRUDERS...with a ladder, okay i let him in, he was backed by the master of the house of my room, he proceeded to the bathroom and was in and out for the next 3 days/two nights.

...Time elapses...during the production of this DRAPPLE. (Sorry the author was zipping up his fly, how embarrassing. ALL REPEAT!)

So i found myself, or navigated by primal senses to the food arena, cave men would have gawked in perturbation's at the sights, smells and tastes discovered. They were all (to quote a cool 40yr old guy i met from Hawaii) "funky". though this funky is meant to not imply any sort of negative use..think along the lines of exotically sprawled out from all corners of 'Martha Stewart's eating right in the Caribbean' mashed with the inventors of Wheat Grass and Sarsaparilla. Shelves of teas i had never heard of in my life divided into 4 categories: morning, lunch, tea time and dinner, all with labels (like everything else) stating good for digestion, prevents aid--eer cancer, reduces bloating, promotes sleep, refreshes the mind, enlivens the soul, reinvigorates your energy. The food had similar labels except all accompanied by Good for Blood type A, AB and O and stuck to the physical side of health, immunities to cancer, cleans colon, liver and what else. i had a particularly good time reading the labels, they taught me so much about being health conscious. They always had some juices with weird names like 'munry' or 'lacer' some tasted strong like acid others more acrid either way i did enjoy the variety..i bursted when i saw the carrot juice and went bananas (not over the traditional varied meals that actually concerned and contained bananas-- the 101 different ways to eat them, fried cooked, steamed, poached, in coconut sauce and yada yada.) when my eyes rested upon the salad bar...some good SALADS!.

Now your wondering where am i, and why am i not wearing a loin cloth right? I was at The 'Tao Garden' run by some famous Thai guy with lots of books....blah blah blah. Actually he was really nice, he welcomed me and sat down and chatted with me for a few minutes, which in his position not many care to do. The Tao garden a place for Healing of the Body mind and soul. align the chakras find the CHI, eat healthy have new age treatments and that whole goose spiel. This is all (Note the previous *) courtesy of my father, who found, mentioned and paid for this 3 day/two night adventure in health.

Enough. to the juice. Brown, Smelly, and watered down. (Nam means water in Thai)


The Treatments

Thai Massage $15Colonic $45
Far infrared komeda $25
Detox Massage $35
Ozone/Oxygen Therapy $25
Testicle Massage $35
Aura Reading $25

Hmmm...who's expressing extroverted or intro a slightly or drastically elevated hmmm? good for you. and do you know what that means? since it strikes you in some way, emotions good or bad, you should probably, given the opportunity do it too, because it would be GOOD for you (Dee means good in Thai).

But now that i've really massaged your attention your stuck to this medium for further information and explanation, which i promise all will be explicated.

But for Now (sequential order):
Thai Massage: a good massage very thorough and relaxing.

Colonic. remember the opener? well i had my colonic (-ic) cleaned out with Water, Coffee and some soap thing. This was quite the experience. felt weird, but maintained A++ Sanitary conditions. Imagine, those nurse fantasies males have, cute nurse, wears a skirt 'n nurse uniform. yea well this was her, and 24 yr old, that nurse from American pie (2 i think) that Stiffler had in the sperm clinic, yea well imagine her a Thai women, same vibe in the face--that naughty vibe, just faintly...this was a very non-sexual event. the other women like 42 was massaging my abdomen the whole time and kept speaking lusciously in Thai to the 24yr old about me. which she sometimes translated. Meh, it was all friendly. but me and the 24yr old were chatting away the whole time and laughing and almost flirting....if there wasn't a tube up my ass yea flirting would be positively described. Though i did ask, I failed in receiving her Telephone number.
Afterward they provided me a 6 set meal of liquids to digest...Papaya, Wheat Grass, Apple Vinegar with Honey and some other stuff i couldn't recognize.

The infrared was like a Sauna, i was in a sauna enclosure but it was heated by special infrared rods that emit healthy waves like the sun does (but without the bad) onto my sweat dripping body...yea it was Hot, but not that hot. Archie you would have loved it. also the next.

Detox Massage: another brave adventure (but not, with the testie massage in the ring still to come)
I was massaged by another BEAUTIFUL THAI WOMEN how old? 24. i began to wonder about this young age thing, i later met a the blood doctor who was 26 or 8 a male..they like producing youngins in the field. cool. so she massaged by body with oil. yea it was nice, felt good, and detoxed my body--I'm sure it helped. she also hit me with these weird sticks at the end. they make the blood flow, i believe.

Ozone was like sauna except my body was in a sauna box with my head sticking out and that had like a mask (normally for breathing) that i placed around my body (with ozone/oxygen coming out) all the while a Thai women massaged my head gave me water through a straw and had COLD COLD water and cloth to moisten my face in. all of these were alot of fun, i usually just talked with the Thai women and as a result my knowledge of the Thai language as doubled in those two days.

Okay were here I'm sorry you had to wait so so so so so so so so long.
The


TESTICLE MASSAGE

well if there was a massage that had conspicuous effects and there was because, it was this one. HOLY SHIIIZA. yes it was a little weird at first. but after awhile it was completely normal, we began chatting away and having conversations, and i learned how to saw you are beautiful in thai ' Kun Su-Ouuie (hard to pronounce, much more write) Mak Ma'. though at one point she started saying there were people outside waiting to barge in and see my naked penis. then she said we charge two baht to let those people in. i kept telling her 100 baht...then she kept saying she gets to look at me for free, she was bad and older...which in this instance was a very good thing. So a little on the process of the testicle massage. well for starters it was PAINFUL. HOLY SHIIZA like there's no way you could become aroused with that amount of pain being shooting from your tesites up inside your belly, that feeling men know intimately if they have been kicked in the balls, though not nearly this bad but just imagine 20 min of that pain if you squeeze them in the write place men and feel it shoot, imagine it for 20. she actually started massaging my abdomen, which hurt too. at one point and throughout the whole time but not as bad, i began spontaneously to laugh hysterically. like a real hearty laugh, a good one. JUST LAUGHTER, PURE BLISS. this had a couple causes. one it was because she was massaging and i believe it released some blocks in me, causing immense laughter. and because I thought how ridiculous is this...a women massaging my testicles and it hurts. an intense mix of pain and laughter. i was laughing and screaming (not blood curtling or anything, but...yeah) after it was over, i came downstairs and became spontaeously happy- blissful josh shelvin style. i booked it making funny noises and started running around the resort.

Came back and had my aura reading done. wow like im a beliver these things are incredible accurate. just amazing what they can get from scanning all your finger tips. maps out the whole body and gives information on every organ. shows all this great stuff. like the aura, alignment of the chakras and yea. like my Heart and Earth (1st, sex) chakra are totally on key, well slightly off but damn near perfectly aligned. the others need some good healthy work and excercise. it said my tonsils were freaking out (which for me, was used to verify the accuracy of this, because i know my tonsils are unhappy) my liver is a little off...we dont know why, i honestly dont suspect alcohol, my binges are very rare, like that blog write was a once in thailand for being drunk. beers here and there. it also said my adrenal glands were over working. usually meaning im stressed, this one was kinda a mystery, though i can feel stress sometimes and do, i didnt feel it that big a deal, though i have been freaking out over some silly and stupid things, minorly. my colon, but that was cleaned. and yeah.

well i also had a blood cell peek. where they drew blood(id like to find a scanner and post the pics) and viewed it under a high powered eer scope...i forgot the word opposite telescope, aah microscope. yea. it was really cool, my blood looks drastically healthier after just two days.

then i came back to Chang Mai, and I'm now deciding when I'm going to get my wisdom (all four) teeth removed in Thailand for $400.

For a piece of peace, please email me and ill give you the directions to get the whole thing, starting with you may have to perform self mutilation rituals disguised as myself, Colin McLeod, The Author of 'Sex: The Ways of the Force Colliding with money, status and Other Things to Horrible to Mention', outside some actress's house who HATES KITTENS and then mail me my $4 to: APlace, N, ChangMai, marked with a postal stamp from Vermont or Guam. oh and if Michael Jackson asks you to ride his "Big John's Caboose" or eat his "Home Made Apple Pies" Ask for the $4 first, receive it, with giving no collateral, wearing 5 pairs of boxers/under/shorts and pants (one being Velcro, HE HATES VELCRO (spelling?), and Run to the Safe House.

Peace and Love,
Colin The Brave